Dear Dharma friend,
I received your letter. You want to be a monastic! You sound both happy
and nervous about this. It is very worthwhile to be a monastic, and the
more prepared your mind is for ordination, the easier the transition from
lay to ordained life will be. Therefore, I will write some questions for
you to reflect on in the hopes that they will help you to think deeply and
thus eliminate potential obstacles in your mind. When I requested my spiritual
master for permission to be ordained, he said, '"'Yes, but wait a while.'"'
He made me wait nearly a year and half. I was impatient to ordain and did
not want to wait, but looking back on it now, it was very good that I did.
During that time I repeatedly contemplated the topics outlined in these
questions. This helped me considerably, so now I would like to share them
with you. When you contemplate these questions, it is important to be as
honest as you can and use them as a tool to discover your own thoughts and
feelings. Sometimes your truthful answer may not be what you would like
it to be or what you think your spiritual teacher would want it to be. However,
there are no right or wrong answers here. The better you know yourself,
with all your strengths and weaknesses, the better you will be able to prepare
for ordination.
1. Why do you want to become a monastic? What is your deepest motivation,
your deepest reason for wanting to take ordination? What does ordination
mean to you? Are there difficult relationships, situations, or emotions
that you are trying to be free from? Is ordination a way of avoiding those
or a way of facing them?
2. Where does being ordained fit into your Dharma practice? How will it
help you? What things about being ordained will be difficult for you?
3. One of our precepts is to follow the Dharma advice of our abbot (abbess)
or teacher. Is there a teacher with whom you have a strong connection? It
is important to train under the guidance of a qualified and skillful teacher,
not just to move around going wherever your fancy takes you. Are you willing
to discuss your plans with your teacher and follow his or her Dharma instructions,
or do you like to do what you want to do?
4. As sangha members, we are part of a larger spiritual community. We sit
in order of our ordination and respect those ordained before us. We also
should listen to the advice and suggestions of the senior monks and nuns
because they have more experience as monastics. Is there a part of you that
has difficulty with respecting and listening to those who are senior? How
can you work with that attitude so you can value their guidance and reap
the benefit from their experience and concern?
5. Which of the Buddhist traditions will be your principal practice? Theravada?
Chinese? Tibetan? It is important to know which direction you will take
in your practice; otherwise you could end up doing a mixture of things and
not get anywhere.
6. In order to be able to keep our ordination, we need living conditions
conducive to spiritual practice. Where will you live after taking ordination?
7. There is no large organization that supports and looks after Western
monastics. We are responsible for our own finances, health insurance, and
so forth. Worrying about these things can distract us from practice, so
it is better to have these firmly in place before ordination. Will you have
an income or financial support? Do you have health insurance?
8. Do you have any social obligations to clear up before ordination (debts,
divorce, caring for aged parents or children)? Do you have any serious health
problems that will influence your ability to practice, to live in community,
or to keep the ordination?
9. We have years and lifetimes of conditioning behind us. It is important
to look at this closely and resolve it. Thus, the next sets of questions
deal with societal values and goals that previously have been inculcated
in us. Do you wish to be successful in a career? Imagine meeting your old
friends after several years. They have good careers, success, a comfortable
life, and reputation. How will you feel? Will you feel like a useful member
of society even though you have not produced anything tangible that is valued
by society?
10. Ordination entails developing our ability to handle our own emotions
without seeking emotional support from a partner. It also involves managing
our sexual energy. How do you feel about married and family life? Would
you like a life-long companion to share your life with? Is it difficult
for you to control your emotional or sexual attraction for others? Even
if marriage and family do not seem so interesting now, how will you feel
when you are older? Often women in their middle or late thirties and men
in their late forties undergo a crisis, thinking, '"'If I want to get
married and have children, I have to do so now. Otherwise, my age will make
having a family difficult.'"' Imagine yourself at that age and investigate
how you might feel.
11. How will you feel when you are old if you have no children, grandchildren,
home, security, and so forth? What could your old age be like as a nun or
monk? as a lay person?
12. Two of our precepts are to abandon the signs of a lay person and to
take on the signs of a monastic. This entails shaving our head, wearing
robes, and keeping our precepts wherever we are and whomever we are with.
Are you easily influenced by what other people think of you--be they strangers
or family and friends? How will you feel if people on the street stare at
you because you wear robes? How will you feel if your family and friends
say that you are escaping from reality or wasting your life by being a monastic?
How will you feel if your parents are upset because you are not living a
'"'normal'"' life?
13. Have you told your family and close friends that you are considering
becoming a monastic? Are you comfortable with the way they reacted, or do
you feel guilty, hurt or angry? It is very important to work out these emotions.
Also, it is important to give your parents love. They often fear that their
child is rejecting them, or that they will never see their child again if
he or she takes ordination. We have to be sensitive to their needs, to reassure
them that we love them, and yet not feel pulled by their emotions or wishes.
What meditations can you do to help you overcome the attachment or anger
you may have towards your family?
14. Are you prepared to live in a community? This involves giving up doing
what you want to do when you want to do it. You have to follow the discipline
of the community. You have to live and work with people whom you may not
normally choose as your friends. How do you feel about having your ego confronted
like this?
15. Which is your strongest disturbing attitude: attachment, anger, ignorance,
jealousy, pride, doubt? If it goes unaddressed, it will cause problems in
your practice and make you doubt your ordination. Know which one is the
strongest and start applying the antidotes in your meditation now.
16. To actually receive the ordination during the ordination ceremony, you
must have developed to some extent the determination to be free from cyclic
existence and to attain liberation. To be able to keep the ordination after
receiving it, you have to constantly cultivate this motivation. Do you regularly
meditate on the disadvantages of cyclic existence and its causes, or is
there a part of your mind that is resistant to thinking about that? The
eight worldly concerns are some of the chief obstacles to developing the
determination to be free. We are attached to 1) money and material possessions,
2) praise and approval, 3) reputation and image, and 4) pleasure from the
five sensual objects. We have aversion to 5) not receiving or losing our
money and possessions, 6) blame or disapproval from others, 7) bad reputation
or image, and 8) unpleasant sensations from our five senses. Which of these
are the strongest for you? Are you familiar with the antidotes for them?
Do you apply those antidotes? Do you feel that giving up those eight mental
states would make you unhappy?
17. How do you feel about going through the hardships of ordained life?
How can you strengthen your spiritual goals and make them more heartfelt
and central to your life? Ordained life, like lay life, is not always easy.
There will be problems, ups and downs. When the down times come, people
are tempted to blame their ordination, thinking '"'My ordination is
the problem. If I were not a monastic, I would not have this problem.'"'
What are the benefits of ordination? Do you have deep conviction in them?
It is important to have a clear understanding of these things beforehand,
and to be courageous in facing physical, emotional, and spiritual difficulties
in your life.
18. Is there a part of your mind that is seeking respect from others because
you are ordained? Do you expect others to treat you well? to give you things?
to show you respect? Or are you willing to be the servant of others, thus
cultivating the altruistic intention?
19. What are your needs and concerns after ordination? What resources do
you have--internal and external--to help you meet those? What things do
you feel confident about? What things do you feel shaky about?
These are some things to think deeply about. Each point has several questions,
and it could be helpful to write down your responses. Put them aside for
a few weeks. Then reread them and make adjustments. Reflecting on these
questions again and again over time will help remove unclarity in your mind
and possible obstacles in your ordination. They will help you go through
the emotional high of wanting to be a monastic and to understand your mind
better.
I wish you all the best on the path to enlightenment and pray that your
wisdom, compassion, and skill grow so that you may spread happiness to many
beings.
Yours in the Dharma,
Thubten Chodron
