"Hi there, so you're the straggler. Well hurry up and put on your name tag, you're keeping everyone else waiting. Ummmm, that's upside down ... that's better.
Hello Pudball... don't look at me like that, I know that's not your name, oh sorry, it is? I pity you so much. Anyways, my name is Juve Guchi, and I'll be your way awesome guide today. Laugh at me again and you'll have to sit to pee. Anyhow, how is everyone today, I'm peachy keen!
Oh, you're fine, I'm quite fine too. Yes, I know I'm fine in every way, thank you, you're sooooo kind. You people are just lucky to have me for your guide. Did everyone pay their 10 creds?
Whadda mean? You sure Danaphish told you 5 creds, she must be having a good day today ... must not be that time of month...
Anyways, we better get going before that next group arrives, we don't have enough room for two groups in the Hive Cow. Everyone get on the Hive Cow, yes we name our buses here. This one's called the Hive Cow cause it's the slowest thing on wheels, and it's got real goliath leather seats. Hmmm? Yes, goliath leather is made from goliath skins, we're working on covering all the seats of our buses with goliath leather, but all the goliath gangs moved away. Go fig?
Ewwwwwwwwwww, gross, don't puke in here, I have to clean this bus. Leather is so hard to clean. Guess what, you can have this here bucket and clean it yourself. By the way, that's your seat for the tour mister 'I have no stomach.' What are you, an Uphiver? Wait, don't answer that if you want to leave here with your scalp.
I think we'll begin our tour by visiting Town Center first. That would be logical, oooooo, a first. Shaddup. Stop teeeeeasing meee, I'm gonna cry and my trigger finger will get ichy, you wouldn't want that.
Anyways, while I driving this Cow to Town Center, no pyscho-driver comments, or I'll live up to them and jump a few curbs, or take out a hydrant. Hmmm, or run you down after this tour is over. Or something like that. Anyhow, I'll tell you a little about myself while we drive.
I was once the youngest member of the original Wahine Spykers, but now I'm one of the Stray Cats, an older, more experianced member no less. With the Spykers I became a scout of sorts. I never did kill my share of goliath dogs, but that's alright. Jenny, our mayor and former leader of the Spykers, gave me my first Fun-Fun grenades, and scouting has never been more fun. You should see what goliath dogs will do under the influence. You don't know what Fun-Fun grenades are, they're called Hal-loo-siny-o-gen uphive, I believe. I think, never been uphive before, got nothing to wear. Get that grin off your face sick-boy.
To be continued...