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THE AMUSEMENTBOT WELCOMES YOU TO HAPPINESS LAND OF DRAWING FERVOR
you can hire ken dahl to draw illustrations, make comic strips, design things, and make websites. please view ken dahl's many drawing endeavors within this site, then contact him with speed at kendahl@onebox.com! |
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Greetings, AMUSEMENTBOT® readers. On behalf of all our staff, management, licensees, and sweatshop lackeys worldwide, it is my pleasure to welcome you to a newer, kinder, more profitable AMUSEMENTBOT®. Some of you might notice some changes as you take your latest stroll about the old "Web-Site"--we hope you approve! To allay your curiosity, perhaps an explanation is in order. It is well-known that the corporate holders of AMUSEMENTCo. have always prided themselves on their capacity for sober self-introspection, insofar as it relates to maximizing profits. This is why we were both concerned and attentive when, at approximately 3:00 pm EST last Wednesday, our diligent accounting department brought to our attention the fact that, for most of the 2001-2002 fiscal year, the AMUSEMENTBOT® has been suffering from a serious crisis of identity--and capital. At the heart of this crisis lies the painful fact that, although this site has been overhauled to maximize its appeal to any and all potential freelance work, retail sales positions, corporate backing, or government subsidies, it has simultaneously continued to promote the somewhat obsolete (and terminally unmarketable) image of Mr. Ken Dahl as, in the words of one critic/fan, a "disturbed individual." Long-time AMUSEMENTBOT® visitors will remember the DOODLEBOT® as the primary culprit for this transgression against our new policy of sanitized corporate fawning. As soon as we recognized this incongruity, our shareholders will be happy to learn, we promptly fired our entire ad department, instructed our large and wrathful legal team to release us from contractual obligations with our PR firm, and resolved that, from this point forward, drawings of a more "sensitive" or "disturbed" nature--such as those not in accord with the tastes of the middle-managers of retail bookstore chains or the state of New York's guidelines for psychiatric health--will be restricted to only the following two AMUSEMENTBOT® market demographics: 1. Those who sincerely request the url to the now-hidden DOODLEBOT® 2. Those with both a rudimentary knowledge of HTML and a modicum of common sense. Although locked in a state of almost permanent cybernetic exile, the DOODLEBOT® will remain the online repository for Ken Dahl's most private, secret, and disturbing drawings. Those with poor taste (and the required url!) may continue to visit it at their leisure to find the latest from Ken Dahl's unauthorized notebook, bar napkin, and restroom-stall scribbles. Feel free to comment on them via the GUESTBOOKBOT. Replacing the DOODLEBOT® in the official AMUSEMENTBOT® index page, you might have already noticed the new and appropriately humiliating RESUMEBOT®! Please take a moment to examine this new feature; our market analysts tell us it's guaranteed to, well, AMUSE® you every bit as much as the derivative, disappointing, and defunct DOODLEBOT®. Oh, also, Ken Dahl's friend Gabby Hayden has a livejournal, but he'll only tell you the url if you're either really nice to him or pay his rent this month. Although AMUSEMENTCo.'s new corporate policy is now more focused on accommodating the bland palates of second-tier art editors and monolithic glossy magazines wishing to exploit new and divergent "talent" to imbue their soulless ad-heavy pabulum with a pretense of "edginess" or "realness," it is not the intention of this Company to alienate the loyalty of our more "gritty" or "stingy" visitors from the marketplace of Ken Dahl's effluvia. Frankly, we need all the help we can get. Thank you, and "Have an Amusing Day!®" Mortimer P. Slacks Vice President of Operations, AMUSEMENTCo. Worldwide | |