Welcome to the Temple of Spoo The last, best hope for the perfect lifeform

This Temple is dedicated to that lovable animal/food source known as SPOO, widespread throughout the Babylon 5 universe. This Temple also honors the memory of the patron saint of spoo and inventor of spoodka, Benazet Obaldi, who died a martyr on Wolf 359 trying to bring spoo and enlightenment to some unfortunately imprisoned telepaths.

We are also trying to answer the great Mystery that has as of yet gone unanswered, even at the end of the series: What does spoo look like, really?We are hoping that the new series, Crusade, may answer this question, so that this epic may be complete in all ways.

I understand there are unbelievers among you. That is good. It is our mission here at the Temple of Spoo to preach to these unbelievers first and foremost.

The following areas of the Temple are open to the public. Click to visit any one of them:

• Our Spoo Primer, for a brief introduction to spoo
• The shrine to Benazet: the Patron Saint of Spoo
• Temple Kitchen, where you can view various Spoo Recipes
• The Scriptorium, where you can write our High Priestess
• The Temple living quarters, where you can meet our Clergy of Spoo
• The Temple Classrooms, where you are invited to take the Spoo Final Exam and advance to the Higher Mysteries of Spoo.

Spoo Primer

First, let us give you a brief introduction to spoo, through our own and other people's views. We will start with the basic definition, as said by J. Michael Straczynski, the creator of Babylon 5, and quoted in a few different sources...

"Spoo is/are (the plural of spoo is spoo) small, white, pasty, mealy critters, rather worm-like, and generally regarded as the ugliest animals in the known galaxy by just about every sentient species capable of starflight, with the possible exception of the pak'ma'ra, who would simply recommend a more rigorous program of exercise. They are also generally considered the most delicious food in all of known space, regardless of the individual's biology, almost regardless of species, except for the pak'ma'ra, who like the flavor but generally won't say so simply to be contrary.

"Spoo are raised on ranches on worlds with a damp, moist, somewhat chilly climate so that their skin can acquire just the right shade of paleness. Spoo travel in herds, if moving a total of six inches in any given direction in the course of a given year can actually be considered moving. They stay in herds ostensibly for mutual protection, but the reality is that if they weren't propped up against one another, most of them would simply fall down. They do not howl, bark, moo, purr, yap, squeak or speak. Mainly, they sigh. Herds of sighing spoo can reportedly induce unparalleled bouts of depression, which is why most spoo ranchers wear earmuffs even when it's only mildly cold, damp, wet and dreary outside. If there is any life-or-death struggle for dominance within the spoo herd, it has not yet been detected by modern science.

"Spoo ranching is one of the one of the least regarded professions known. Little or no skill is required, once you've got a planet with the right climate. You bring in two hundred spoo, plop them down in the middle of your ranch, and go back to the nearby house. Soon you've got more. When it comes time to cull out the ones ready for market (the softest, mealiest, palest, most forlorn-looking spoo of the pack), little physical effort is required since they're incapable of rapid movement without falling over (see above). They do not resist, fight, or whine; they only sigh more loudly. When spoo harvest time comes, the air is full of the sound of whacking and sighing, whacking and sighing. Even an experienced spoo rancher can only harvest for brief periods of a time, due to the increased volume of sighing, which even the sound of whacking cannot altogether erase. (also see above) Some have simply gone mad."

"Spoo are the only creatures of which the Interstellar Animal Rights Protection League says, simply, 'Kill 'em.'

"Fresh spoo (served at an optimum temperature of 62-degrees) is served in cubed sections, so that they bear as little resemblence as possible to the animal from which they have just been sliced. Spoo is usually served alongside a chablis, or a white zinfandel.

"Further information on the care, feeding, eating and whacking of spoo can be found in the second edition of the Interstellar Guide to Fine Dining."

It must be added here that while spoo is truly a universal commodity, the Centauri are indeed the greatest ranchers, whackers, and consumers of spoo in the known galaxy. They would recommend eating spoo with a fine old bravari in the place of a zinfandel or chablis.

Spoo is very versatile. Benazet himself discovered 39 different uses for spoo, some of which include spoo juice, spoo soap, spoo hair styling products (potent stuff, that-- and you wondered how the Centauri got their hair to stand on end), spoo toothpaste and many spoo food and bath and body products. Spoo has been used as an aphrodisiac as well (again, this explains a lot about the Centauri). In its most potent distilled form, spoo juice becomes spoodka, an original, if rather unpleasant liquor reminiscent of vodka.

Spoo has even, in some cases, served as a bizarre form of revenge, as in this example when a technomage put a holodemon on a certain Centauri ambassador's computer system...

"...Twenty minutes ago it gathered together the pieces of my personal financial account, and cast an equation spell. I now own 200,000 shares in a spoo ranch..."

Humans often have interesting comments on the taste of spoo, such as are found in these two janitorial workers....

"What does it taste like?"
"Hard to say, Bo. Um, kind of, um .. spooish, I guess."
"No. You're supposed to say chicken."
"Huh?"
"It's a joke. Whenever you eat something strange and someone asks, 'What does it taste like?' you're supposed to say chicken. It's funny that way."
"It doesn't taste like chicken."

Also in this episode we see that the price of spoo is highly changeable; it goes from 10 credits to 15 credits an ounce between the beginning and the end. We will assume this is intentional, and not a gaffe on the part of the writer.

In the episode "A Tragedy of Telepaths", we see definitely the most positive and inventive use of spoo, when G'Kar and Londo follow the spoo trail to find Na'Toth.

"Would you like some spoo? It's fresh."
"Fah! Get that away from me! Spoo needs to age; it takes time to cultivate its flavor. To eat fresh spoo is to insult a Centauri. I don't even know where you got it."
"I saw it on a tray, heading into the south end of the palace. I assumed no one would mind if I took it."
"That's right. Only Narns can stomach it."
"Well, if that's true, and I'm the only Narn in the palace, then where was it going? . . Mollari-- where was it going?"
"How do I know? Do I look like a chef to you?"
"What's in the south end of the palace?"
"Well, uh, the memorial gardens, the old living quarters--both are shut down now, have been for years, and... underground cells-"
"Take me there."
"It's late!"
"Now."

(If anyone knows of any other uses of spoo in the series, don't hesitate to tell us. Your service to the Temple will be appreciated).

Benazet: The Patron Saint of Spoo

Benazet was born into House Obaldi, once a famous Centauri family, now reduced to ranching spoo. He grew up whacking spoo, but as soon as he was old enough, he took up his Great Mission to bring glory to his family and spoo to the world. He invented spoodka,knowing this would be a major seller throughout the galaxy. (Or at least to carbon-based lifeforms. The Vorlons do not love spoodka). His journey brought him to the Earth colony of Wolf 359, where, in one of his first tragedies, his spoo stock was rustled! He lived on, though, and managed to get in with a group who seemed to want to buy his whole stock of spoodka, believing it could save their friends impounded in the Psi Corps compound on Wolf 359. They stormed the gates of the compound, but tragically, Benazet met with a horrible end in an accident involving a grenade. The bottles of spoodka he was carrying did not help him any.

(Visit the Prometheus Project page for more information on the character Benazet, his living companions, and the setting.)

Until the Centauri deign to visit Earth with jumpgate technology, we will have to settle for synthetic spoo. The Temple's kitchen has recently come up with a few recipes which rather successfully duplicate the taste, texture, and entire experience of eating spoo. We offer some of these to you today:

Synthetic Raw Spoo This recipe is simple and fast, and works great as an appetizer. True raw spoo is favored by the Narn, and the Centauri find it rather disgusting. This dish serves five to ten,depending on how excited your crowd is about synthetic spoo.
You will need:

• one package of semi-firm tofu
• a knife
• parsley (optional)

Cut the tofu into small squares about one inch by one inch. Arrange in a pleasing design on a decorative plate. Garnish with parsley, if you like.
This is best served with a white wine. With imagination it could be an exotic Narn liquor. Play some bad opera, dim the lights, and your mood is set.

Tasty Fruit n' Spoo Dessert "My grandmother was a cook for the original Temple of Spoo, and she would love it if you could print this recipe on the new Temple of Spoo's webpage." -- Linda, a concerned Temple of Spoo devotee Try this recipe as a great summer dessert--lounge on your porch, eat spoo, and pretend to be basking in the gorgeous suns of Centauri Prime. . .
You will need:

• 4 small containers, or one large container, of strawberry-banana yogurt
• 1/2 carton of vanilla ice cream
• 2 bananas
• 2 kiwis
• 1/2 quart of strawberries
• any other fruit you might like

Mix all ingredients together, allow ice cream to melt, and keep cold until ready to serve.
"You may have to fiddle with the proportions of ingredients: it is a very ancient recipe, from the early days of the Temple of Spoo, and the translation into our language is not perfect."

Double Spoo Pineapple Upside Down Cake "This is a little dish I picked up from a fellow chef who 'claimed' to be First Assistant SuChef to Emperor Turhan, now on the outs with the current regime. The exact proportions were a little vague, but I will try to reconstruct his recipe..." -- Thomas, another interested devotee

Parboil four cups of dehydrated spoo (synthetic variant= sticky rice). The water level should be about a knuckle length from the rice in the pot. Grease with butter a round pot or cake pan. Line the bottom with sliced pineapple, line the sides with sliced almonds. Fill with semi-reconstituted spoo (the sticky rice). Whack spoo firmly until they are packed close (The wearing of ear muffs for this stage is considered a prudent safety measure). In a separate mixing bowl, dissolve one cup of sugar into one can of spoo juice (synthetic variant= coconut milk). Pour sweetened spoo juice liberally over spoo cake. Bake at 375F until sugar browns and forms a nice glaze along the edge of the spoo cake. Let cool. Flip onto platter and serve. Recommended beverage is either chicory coffee (or chai tea) sweetened with sweetened condensed spoo juice (sweetened condensed milk).
"This recipe may require some tweaking. (The Centauri are notoriously stingy with their culinary secrets.)"

• First and foremost, there is our high priestess, Elisabeth. When she is not busy doing field studies in spoo, dealing with the spoo ranching and whacking conglomerates, or conducting our religious ceremonies, she can be found collecting rare butterflies and playing shuffleboard. To learn more about her in her own words, visit her profile page

• We are very much indebted to the services of our Mistress of Art, HTML, and FTP, Julia, who, despite being just an initiate to our order, has graciously loaned us the space on her page to build our temple. As well as wisely procrastinating by making sense of our own HTML code, sending it to the Web, and turning popular government figures into Centauri, she enjoys Szechuan food and go-go boots. Start to explore the rest of the page which is really, truly hers at The Group, or find out the sordid facts about her at this site.

• We cannot forget our Social Coordinator and Genetic Engineer, J.C. A reclusive guy who only emerges from his lab for the vernal equinox, he arranges our spoo outreach program, our spoo social growth program, and, of course, the company picnics; as well as maintaining our extensive genetic engineering program. His current tasks in this area have been to use gene splicing to create spoodles, the lapdog/foodstuff of the future, as well as tracking down the genetic relation between spoo and spam. He also verifies the quality of all the spoodka produced by the Temple. When not doing this, he enjoys followings swarms of stag beetles, cooking souffles, watching country music videos, and reading Mark Twain. You can read the dark and sordid history of his life on his profile page

• Angela is one of the chief priestesses, coordinating much of the spoo education programs for young children. She organizes spoo information sessions in the schools and field trips that enable students to see spoo in their natural habitat. Aside from this, she enjoys playing mah-johngg and organizing Tupperware parties. View her profile page.

Thank you for visiting the Temple of Spoo. We are young and new, and we hope to grow. If you would like to join the Temple of Spoo, or ask for more information, feel free to mail the High Priestess. In an ideal Internet setting, we would soon have a mailing list, but there is unlikely to be call for one.

We are thinking of incorporating a spoo fan-fiction section... as soon as we can find anyone willing to write fanfic that involves spoo, of course. If you are one of these gifted, talented people, please contact us.

This House of Babylon site is owned by Elisabeth Fracalossi
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