Resistance to Change

Drivers initially resist changing their driving style. This resistance gradually dissipates in the process of discovering that driving without automatic inner pressures is safer and more enjoyable. Our data show that driving stress stems from inner reactions to external events, not from congestion or the actions of others. For many, this insight is a turning point. Suddenly they are free to experience the benefits of a more relaxed, less competitive, and more supportive driving style, one that does not depend on criticizing and correcting others' behavior. Untrained emotions in traffic create a noxious inner atmosphere, polluting the mind with disapproval, hostility, dissatisfaction, fear, and alienation.

In traffic we have no choice but to be affected by the actions of others. We don't like it when we're subjected to hostile driving. Yet, under certain conditions, most of us are ready and willing to display hostility towards others on the road. This usually happens when someone crosses a line we've defined as unacceptable behavior that arouses our ire, indignation, even outrage. A sense of self-righteousness coupled with a sense of entitlement build strong feelings of resistance to changing our own behavior, even focusing on it. When drivers do something you despise, think of how difficult it is to resist giving a disapproving look, or as we say in Hawaii, "giving stink eye". It's tempting to stare, to punish, to make sure they know we're displeased. Maybe we hope they'll feel guilty or stupid. What a satisfying thought! According to Dr. Arnold Nerenberg, aggressive driving becomes road rage when you feel compelled to let the other driver know that you're displeased and mad. He estimates that in 1999 there were 2 billion unrecorded hostile exchanges between motorists in the U.S. We believe the actual number is closer to 400 billion.4

One useful technique for modifying unwanted behavior is mentally switching roles with the other driver or empathizing. Ask yourself, "How might he or she be feeling?" and "What if that were my Grandma (kid, spouse, pastor)?" If you approach it positively, this can shift your perspective and increase motivation to stop a negative behavior. For instance, try thinking about how bad the victim of your disapproving stare might feel. Ask yourself if you really want to be the kind of person who makes someone feel awful, who chooses to be an unkind or vindictive person. Consider one shaken driver's story:

I was driving on the Pali Highway towards Waikiki and a person tailed me from the intersection of Kamehameha Highway all the way to the tunnel and then gave me the stink eye. I was really scared, so I had to pull over to just kind of rest for a while before I continued. I tried to ignore what he was doing, but it was hard. I didn't know how. (Young woman)

You might think a stare is just a harmless little thing, a mere look. Sticks and stones… But clearly, this driver was emotionally affected by the implied threat in a "stare." Being worried that she was followed heightened the threat of the man's look. Perhaps she was only imagining being followed or even being stared at, perhaps not, how could she be sure? In any case, impressions activate fear and fear has real consequences. This realization calls for new sense of social responsibility about how we look at other drivers, the expressions on our face, and the impressions we give off. Civility behind the wheel has disappeared for an entire generation but we can get it back with systematic efforts like the three-step program for lifelong driver self-improvement.

 

Go to the selected text: Resistance to Change Pages 144-145

Index for pages 144-146

Aggressive driving see also Driver Education; Electronic traffic surveillance; Emotional Intelligence; Emotions; Red light running; Road rage; Self-Witnessing; Supportive driving 

            resistance to change, 57, 144-148, 185, 257

Change, resistance to, 57, 144-148, 185, 257

Drivers see also Adolescent drivers; Aggressive driving; Driving; Female Drivers; Male drivers; Older drivers; Road rage; Self-Witnessing; Supportive driving

habits, 31-32, 136, 144

Driving see also Aggressive driving; Defensive driving; Drivers; Driving stressors; Oppositional driving; Road rage; Self-Witnessing; Supportive driving

stressors, 52-57, 61, 144-145

habits, 31-32, 136, 144

Modifying driving personality (3rd step for driver emotional intelligence), 143-144

Resistance to driving changes, 57, 144-148, 185, 257

Road Rage see also Aggressive competitor; Aggressive driving; Emotional Intelligence; Emotions; Self-Witnessing; Supportive driving

how aggressive driving turns to road rage, 145

staring as threat, 145-146

statistics, 28, 145

Staring as threat, 145-146

"Stink eye" (nasty look: Hawaii), 145

Supportive driving, 145, 167-190, 212; see also Passengers; Positive driving

Violence

outcome of aggressive behavior, 145-146