The Caring Presence

I have cleared my mind
It seems to be human nature to form over-simplified hypotheses about others and then look for evidence that confirms these assumptions. It may be hard for another to truly hear us because he or she is captured by past history or preconceptions about us or our "kind." They may have made up their minds in advance.

Caring presences communicate that they have made no assumptions that will keep them from hearing everything we have to say. They have formed no conclusions as to who we are or what we should be thinking or feeling or doing. No matter how well or how unhappily acquainted we may be, they do not let this interfere with their listening in this instance.
I will try to understand your world
There is an old saying that goes "Never judge someone until you have walked a mile in his moccasins." There are some persons whom we may want to hold at a distance; perhaps their world seems strange to us or threatening to our sense of order or control. For example, some adolescents and their parents seem to live in very different worlds and are very misunderstanding of each other.

Persons who are caring presences for us try to put themselves in our place and see the world through our eyes. They empathize but they don't pity us or put themselves above us or apart from us. At the same time, they keep one foot in their own world and don't over-identify; this can give them a useful broader perspective.
I will respect your ability to help yourself
There are times in our life when we need advice or someone to step in and do something for us. But we also need to learn to do things for ourselves, and at times like these it can be helpful and comforting to have someone who is simply there, someone who cares for us and believes in us.

Caring presences do not try to advise us or rescue us or fix us. They do not take our burdens upon themselves. They show us in their attitude they value us and our ability to help ourselves. They help us summon our own insights and strengths so that we can take pride in what we have done ourselves.

The Caring Discloser >>