This portion of my site is dedicated specifically to the development and documentation of my ENG 394 project. Knowing only that we would have to do something digitally creative with a sample of our own writing, I decided in advance to use a poem that I had written last semester (Fall 2005). This poem is my first truly "spontaneous" attempt at poetry - I have never written poems just for the fun of it, but have only created them when required for class assignments. However, after a series of discussions with my closest girlfriends - fueled by our recent experiences with members of the opposite sex - I finally felt moved to capture some of our thoughts on paper. As such, this poem reflects our frustrations with the double standard...and with men who are unwilling/unable to meet our standards.
The majority of this poem was written during exam week of last semester, on a night when I should have been studying for my ENG 357 exam! I shared it with my best friend Darnna Banks the next day, incorporated her comments and suggestions, and had some of her voice in mind as well as I continued working on it. I finalized the poem over Christmas vacation, and Darnna and I hope to perform it at one of the monthly Slam Poetry sessions held at the Hawaiian Hut. Attached directly below is the full text version of the poem.
QUESTION:
What is it about us that you just can't handle?
The fact that we do more than just dangle?
Is it our color, our voice, our walk, our talk?
At sight of spark, or flash or fire, why do you balk?
Why run and hide, rant and rail?
With labels you fumble...you trying to deliver mail?
Feminist. Bitch. Overwhelming. Cutthroat.
Is this the only vocab you know by rote?
Oh wait, hold up, that must be a lie.
You know "sugar puff," "honey bun," even "sweetie pie!"
Don't judge us to be that meek kind of sweet,
Or we'll leave you with cavities the Tooth Fairy can't meet!
Question:
Does our conversation intimidate you?
With volume and depth do you know not what to do?
You must have something to say in return,
Or do our words burn?
Our intent is not to hinder or harm,
We'd love nothing more than to walk arm in arm.
But it's a little hard when the footing ain't right,
You a step up, us a step down...yeah, that's the plight.
Would equal footing leave you a few inches short?
After all, length and height are key in your court.
All we're asking is that you play it fair,
Same set of rules, a single standard...hey, call it a dare!
Any takers? Any takers? Anyone game?
Not much of a rush to fill this hall of fame.
So we watch and we wait, making use of our time,
Attending to business as you dangle your line!
Think you got us all, hook, line and sinker?
This ain't the usual catch hun, we're not willing to linger.
So haul up that line, go try another day,
We ain't your prize fish, your trophy display.
So question:
How 'bout changing things up, a little less of the same?
We're tired of the boys just tryin' to run game.
There's no need to victimize, no don't even patronize,
Try to just look at us, look us straight in the eyes.
Have something to say, a little something to offer,
If we're getting loud, how 'bout you getting louder?
Listen close, listen hard, make a point, take a stand,
Hold on the labels, here's a chance to expand.
So give us some answers, some actions that matter,
Let the boys take a seat while the men drop the banter.
And if nothing else works, at least live like you're worth it,
'Cos the bottom line is, we live like we mean it.
Given the passionate, humorous and challenging tone of this poem, I felt that it would be best suited to Flash animation. Having never used Flash before, the majority of my exposure to the software was based on the Flash texts we'd studied this semester. What I saw of these texts, in addition to the tutorials provided in class, led me to believe that this software would enable my limited skills to capture at least some of the sass and spice that our stage performance was meant to project.
This proved to be true. However, it took long hours of patient (if frustrating) experimentation. The first time I sat down to work with the program, all I achieved was a couple of lines of poorly created and slightly animated text! I also attempted to create buttons, imagining at first that I would allow my viewers to navigate their way through my poem. The "draft" I created on April 11 2006 was definitely a learning experience!
When I sat down to the project a week later, I was doubly frustrated by the slow pace at which I was moving. I realized that the creation of navigation buttons was taking forever, and I turned to one of my roomates for advice - Kelli Ann Harada. Kelli happened to be working on her own Flash project at the time, and was creating a cartoon animation of a song. As we talked about how she was approaching her assignment, Kelli pointed out that her entire cartoon ran continuously from beginning to end - there was no user interaction. This made me question why I was even bothering with buttons to begin with. Was it really all that necessary or even appropriate? The more I thought about it, the more I decided against it.
After all, a verbal recitation of this poem, like what Darnna and I had in mind, offered the listener no control whatsoever. Rather, audience members would be required to simply sit in their seats and take in our performance. Given the nature and tone of the poem, having the viewer watch it continuously unfold on-screen would be closer to the kind of experience he might have if he were to listen to us perform it. I was also mindful of time constraints and the slow pace at which I was already moving, hindered at every other line by debates over where/how to incorporate buttons. Time and creative concerns finally decided it for me, and I abandoned all navigation tools for a single, uninterrupted Flash animation. My drafts of April 24, May 1 and May 2 reflect this new direction. Each draft adds a few lines onto the last, incorporating color, motion tweens and varying line "entrances." As I worked my way through each line of the poem, I held off on the creative instincts that I had neither the time nor skills to implement. Where possible, I used a pale imitation of the kind of effect I was aiming for, using them as reminders for further work if time allowed. One example of this would be the "Sweetie Pie" line of the May 2 draft. What I intended for this line was an effect in which each letter of the two words slowly dripped off the line and across the stage, mimicking how the words might metaphorically "fall" from someone's lips. What I put as a place holder was a simple motion tween that moved both words down and off the stage.
Unfortunately, I did not have the time to return to this section and work out the complexities of this kind of animation. Instead, I reunited the words "sweetie pie" with the rest of the line to which it belonged. I also settled for using soft pastel colors for the words "sugar puff," "honey bun" and "sweetie pie," hoping by color to convey the patronizingly sweet nature of these endearments.
Edits like these were made during my second to last sitting - May 9. I also incorporated more visual images (a tooth fairy, basketball court and a basketball) that reflected key ideas from specific lines. I also discovered that simple motion tweens, varying font colors and unique line "entrances" were my animation tools of choice. I appreciated the smooth, flowing variety they offered and found them especially useful when trying to capture a sense of movement, express urgency/passion or demonstrate hierarchical attitudes.
Plans for colorful backgrounds and a powerful soundtrack floated at the back of my mind throughout the creation of this piece. However, I ultimately decided against both. Regarding the background, I honestly came to enjoy the simplicity of the white stage and black/colored text. It felt simple, yet bold and effective, and with time always short at hand, I decided to leave well enough alone. I also tried running the animation to Senead O'Connor's "No Man's Woman." I had initially thought that the strong beat and catchy rhythm would be suitable. I soon found that this was not the case. I had timed each line (and in some cases each word) in accordance with how I would have delivered the poem orally. This timing did not sit well with the song, and after trying a few other possibilities, I again decided that simplicity was best!
Despite constraints of time and skill, I am ultimately pleased with what I have produced. I animated eight of the poem's eleven stanzas, finding a natural and forceful pause with the declaration, "We ain't your prize fish, your trophy display!" I used a variety of line and word combinations, animating line by line, word by word or stanza by stanza as was appropriate. I also took pains with the timing and tweening so as to produce as smooth an effect as possible. This was perhaps the most time-consuming challenge. While pleased with the Flash skills I have gained, I also realize how much I have yet to discover. I look forward to becoming more familiar with this software and possibly completing/refining this poem.
I hope you enjoy my final creation. It has been a challenge and a pleasure to work on this project.
Updated 10 May 2006