xfiles was viewed by myself tonight since vel had a dinner.. at least i think that's what he said. i was caught at a bad moment trying to steer a heavy shopping cart out of safeway. for some reason my mom doesn't seem to understand what injury means. or maybe she doesn't realize that it not only am i injured at work but i'm also injured in real life as well including at the store. so having to carry bags of potatos and jugs of kitty litter is not too healthy.

i don't think i really have anything to say. i thought i did but maybe that was all in my head. my mom wants me to clean my room. it is very messy, that i will admit because i've been unpacking my stuff, getting rid of stuff, rearranging things, getting ready for W's stuff. trying to figure out what kind of furniture i need. i have stuff all over the floor, trash, goodwill donations, things that need to be put in places that i don't have yet. figurines for shelves that don't exist, clothes for dressers that are not here, books for desks that have not yet been purchased. clean your room, people have to walk through it on thursday... i hate people walking through my room. i'm a very private person. i don't like people touching me and i don't like people in my room, even if they are just walking through it to get to the bathroom. i can't figure out why my mom designs things this way. our house is not probably designed for parties, the bathroom is just one aspect of that. the bathroom is between the two bedrooms. we don't have hallways, at least not upstairs. it's basically just rooms stuck together with walls and doors in between. it's a house for a small close family, not for a bunch of strangers being entertained.

what if they touch my underwear? no, my mom says they will just be walking through to the bathroom. hey but you never know, they can detour just a bit to get to my underwear since it's out in the open. see above, the no dresser thing, all my clothes are sitting on a rack/shelve type thing with a clothes basket for my underthingies. people may be tempted to count them and marvel on how one person can have a need for so many pairs of panties.

really it just disturbs me.

today in the shower i was wondering, exactly what is so bad about breaking up with someone over the phone? people (usually girls) are always complaining about how someone didn't have the guts/balls/nerve/decency/etc to break up with them in person. why do they want them to do it face to face? what can be acomplished by this? is it somehow going to make it better? will you really feel like a better person if they tell you to your face that they don't like you anymore? does doing it in person somehow mean that you can tell that they're really saying that they found someone sexier/prettier/smarter/funnier/sluttier/richer than you? is the real reason you want them to do it to your face so that they can see how much pain they're causing? so they can see you cry? so you can manipulate them into staying/giving "us" another chance/at least feeling a little guilty while they're having such a great time with their new mr/ms right? or is it so you can physically react? so you can beat them up for their cruelty? so you can be dramatic and slap them across the face for breaking your heart?

what's better than a quick to the point phone call? then you can get on with your life. none of that ackward after moment of should i hug them? say we can still be friends? walk them to their car? minutes of false happiness? of false promises to take care and keep in touch? what's the point of that? what a waste of an evening. personally the idea of thinking i have plans with someone, only to have the waste my time by having some sort of "talk" where they tell me all of the things that are wrong with me (all news to me of course because i always thought i was perfect) and why they don't want to be involved with me anymore. i'd rather they had just called and cancelled and dropped the bomb then.

or how about this one... you go through the whole event/date/whatever only to have them tell you afterwards that they were just faking it and they've been planning to dump you since last week or whenever. but then i guess that's appropriate considering your whole relationship was a lie. hehe

and why do people say that? "you're dumping me. so our whole relationship was a lie. you never loved me/meant those things you said/did" why do they say that? is it not possible for someone to have a good time with someone and then to not to? okie so maybe they really don't know what love is but then who does? maybe they were just saying they loved you to get in your pants but it doesn't mean everything was a lie. just because they don't want to go out with you anymroe doesn't mean they didn't think you were funny/pretty/charming/sweet/blahblah blah...

on a sort of related topic i will end with this stupid but not little thing. i see it all over the place, most recently on the wall at one of the stores. it's about relationships and their purpose. i guess it's not really stupid since i'm sticking it here. it does make sense.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are here for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, and our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person; and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

i don't know who wrote it because i never see it credited to anyone. so thanks to whoever did write it. i sure as hell didn't. i'm not that freakin' sappy. but i do agree with it i suppose. i guess this relates to my above topic in that most people know when a relationship is over. if you really think about it you know. in my opinion, most people fall into the season category. if you think about your relationships that way, then you won't be so hung up on the stupid little things that complicate break ups and make them harder than they are and have to be. realize it, accept it and move on.

my favorite relationship quote and one that has been very, perhaps most, helpful to me comes from other Dave who usually says nothing resembling intelligent but once in a while spouts brilliance. i'm just kidding dave..uh huh. so anyway, dave told me, "just because they're the one doesn't mean they're the only one." and i thought about this and realized he was so right.