More forwarded humor for you all. See how nice? Rather than foward it to everyone in my email address book I just stick it in my journal so that you're fooled into thinking I've updated with some insightful and interesting happenings only to find that I've just pasted in some junk that some bored fool sent me from his office at work.

No actually someone in the Army sent this to me and I think it's so funny. Now I'm thinking maybe I should join the Air Force because well, I like donuts.

VICTORY "6" OATHS OF ENLISTMENT (Courtesy of the Clinton Years?)

All persons, upon entering the Military Service and upon reenlistment are required to take the Oath of Enlistment. At one time the Oath of Enlistment was the same for all services. Due to changes in both society and the differing Military Branches, the Oath has undergone marked change and has been specifically tailored to each branch of the Military and their specific function. Here are the latest versions of the Oath of Enlistment as recently released by the Joint Chief's of Staff:

I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army, because the Marines frighten me and I am afraid of water over waist deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will, at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact.

After completion of "Basic Training" I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chair borne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back. I will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day.

So Help Me God!

I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will see is a Court Martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test.

After completion of my Sexual.....er....I mean "Basic Training," I will attend a different Army school every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a better-looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times I will continue to take her back.

While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at 1000 hours because of morning PT and leave everyday at 1300 to report back to "COMPANY." I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam.

So Help Me God!

I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...why not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter.

I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever.

I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 hours every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930 hours. I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues."

So Help Me Neptune!

I, (have someone recite your name for you), swear ..uhhhh....high-and-tight....grunt...cammies....ugh...Air Force women....HOORAH!

So Help Me CORPS!

See? Wasn't that so funny? It's even better if you actually know someone in the military or even if you just picture your stereotypical military guys dressed in their uniforms saying these oaths. haha

In other news, there is no other news, why do you think I had to fill pages with this stuff?

Well lemme see if I can think of something. No not really. Ryan's still at sea, might have to stay two more months meaning a return in November rather than September. This makes more sense to me because they are hanging around the Nimitz which was supposed to return in November, so if the Fitz comes back in November with the Nimitz that would make more sense since they left San Diego and Hawaii with them. November is actually better I think, not that I want Ryan to stay gone forever or anything. But I think I'd be able to fit him into my schedule better because I will be working then and I think two more months will give me more time to be settled into a routine that I can work with to hang out with him. It's too bad I won't be able to take any days off yet or anything. I'll make up for it by going to visit him on my first vacation.

So I was looking at this guy's webcam. Now, I like the webcams. I think they're pretty cool and fun to watch. I don't have one though because then I'd have to stop doing things like digging my nose and using the computer naked. My mom's stupid dog is barking, again, it's always barking. This time it's barking because the neighbors came home from church. Why she feels the need to bark at everyone and everything I just don't know. My parents don't really do anything about it. They talk about doing something about it but then they don't so the dog continues to bark. Then if the dog doesn't start barking at 5 am one morning then my mom proclaims that she is making some progress and the dog is getting better. She doesn't seem to realize that the dog shouldn't be barking, period but if the dog must bark like a fool, any barking before at least noon is going to wake people up.

So anyway, back to the webcam. This guy, he looks like a freaking serial killer. Not like a really scary character but like the normal, boring looking guy next door Jeffery Dahmer looks like a nice guy but is secretly eating the nipples of the UPS delivery man. I swear he never smiles. It was really strange. I was glad I didn't have a webcam so he could see me because that would just be a little freaky. I felt a little freaky just having him there on my computer screen.

My grandma asked me to make her flight reservations for her and my grandpa. She tells me earlier that they won't be able to stay that long, only about a week. Then when she tells me to make the reservations, she says to make them for a couple days before and a couple days after (graduation). So that's exactly what I did. I have her coming out on the 16th and leaving on the 21st. I even called and asked her if she wanted to leave on the 20th or 21st and she said it was up to me. So then she calls my mom and tells my mom that I must not want her to stay very long. Well, what did she expect when she asked for a couple days before and a couple days after and knowing that she said they could only stay about a week? People should be more specific if they're looking for a more specific result.

Santy is still terrorizing Mari, the new cat. Mari seems to be doing better though, she's recovering faster from their little scraps. She doesn't hide under the bed all day and she's really friendly towards me and Wayne. Hopefully Santy will stop lunging at her with his claws out. He's such a naughty cat.