hoppy easter. capital E Easter.

so what is a friend? how much would you do for a friend, how much should you do for a friend? when is it time to draw the line and cut the ties of friendship?is there ever a time to stop being friends? today on the life of Melissa we will examine several cases of friendship just for the heck of it.

ok, obviously i'm not talking about friends like those guys you used to say hi to as you passed them in the halls of your beloved high school, or that girl you always borrow a nickle from to buy soda, or even those people you sometimes call when you're bored on a friday night, hoping they're bored too so you can all go out and be bored together. i'm talking about real friends, more than just aquaintances...some people call them "best friends" or buds or stuff like that.

of course there are different definitions of what makes a best friend. some people say someone you can tell anything to without having to worry about what they'll think. someone who will never judge you and will always try to understand and help you. someone who's been thru so many things and knows you so well that sometimes you don't even have to talk, they just know.

in the course of my short life i've had a few people i've considered to be best friends. i'll start with the first.

i was friends with Pamela since 2nd grade when we both lived in AMR military housing. we used to sleep over at each other's houses and roller skate together, stuff like that. when we were in 4th grade i changed schools, she moved, i moved but still we kept up our sleep overs and stuff like that. we did all the usual stuff, talked about boys, our different schools, normal preadolescent girl things. when we were in 5th grade or maybe 6th, Pamie moved to Kauai. i always said i would go visit her but i never did, for various reasons, lack of funds probably being the biggest. she did come to visit once for her sister's wedding. She's back on Oahu now, at UH. we've exchanged email a few times but you know, you can't really go back to the way things used to be. People grow up, they change, they move, they grow apart. I don't think it's ever really noticed or intentional, it's just a part of life. That's not to say i don't consider her a friend but i guess now she's just a part of my past, a good part though.

i actually didn't intend to talk about my friends today i had something else in mind but i guess that's ok for now, since i've already started it this way.

no, i've changed my mind, i really don't feel like discussing my past friendships right now because the next friend would take up too much time and i never really feel like my side of the story is understood. that's pretty funny when you consider that i'm the one telling it. oh well.

i actually intended to write in a more general sense about something like when you should or shouldn't be friends. for example, if your friend is doing something that you consider to be destructive like drugs, sex, eating disorder, etc. i'm sure you're all aware of "tough love" if you love someone (like a friend) you don't want them to harm themselves so you have to lay the smack down and say, "hey, you stop or i leave" Your friend probably gets mad and says something like, "don't judge me, you're not supposed to, i have parents, etc" so that's what i'm asking here. What are you supposed to do?

well, i suppose that would depend on what kind of a friend you are. sometimes it's better not to say anything and sometimes it's not. sometimes it just hurts too much to watch someone you love and care about hurt themselves so you have to leave.

so what if your friend does something wrong? like what if they steal someone's boyfriend or what if they shoplift a pair of shoes or what if they stole a car and had to go to jail? what if they did something worse? will you still be their friend? do you believe them if they say they're innocent even when everyone else says they're not? even if they are guilty and the admit it, will you still be their friend?

there's really no wrong or right answer to these questions, at least that's what i think. some people do think there's only black and white answers and are happy to share their (sometimes unsolicited) opinions on the matter. personally i don't think anyone should be telling anyone else what makes a friend or when and when not to be one unless you're specifically asked for your thoughts.

have you ever had a "controversial" friend? the class outcast perhaps, the town bad boy, the neighborhood slut? people, parents, friends, ask you why? why are you friends with them? you're better than they are, don't bring yourself down.

are there certain people who aren't worthy of having friends? if so, who decides who the unworthy are? on what grounds? i think that just sucks. i think i should be able to decide who i want to be friends with and why. i don't think others should decide for me who is worthy of my companionship and time.

are people who are "bad" not supposed to want friends? are they somehow different from the rest of us in that they don't need someone to talk to, to listen to, to share their hopes, fears and dreams with? someone to tell what you did today, even if it was just normal stuff.

if i were ever to become someone deemed unworthy of friendship, i hope that somewhere there is someone who thinks differently.