i was starting this entry when i simultaneously realized that 1. i don't know what the date is and 2. i really had to pee. so i peed and while i did i tried to think of how i could find out what the date was. unlike the office, i have no calendar up in my room. if i could get away with it i wouldn't have a clock either. i'm still working on how to make myself wake up without an alarm. i do a good job unless i go to sleep late which happens a lot, so i can't quite risk giving the clock up yet.

while i was peeing i forgot to think about the date and instead thought about how i think i pee too often. i've always had this problem with peeing often and i remember when i used to stay with my g-ma in mississippi she would make comments about it and make me drink cranberry juice in an attempt to make me pee less. i guess she thought it was related to an infection or something. it's not, i mean it's all normal pee and stuff, but i just go all the time. i guess it's healthier to pee more often than to not pee often, like my mom, but it's kind of a pain in the ass sometimes because i can barely make it through my 50 minute classes, i have to pee between each one as it is, regardless of if i'm drinking anything or not. i usually only drink water, as i know drinking anything with caffeine will just make me pee more. i do drink a lot of water though, because i don't like being dehydrated and because i have this adult on-set acne problem which really disturbs me. of course i am presently drinking a big cuppa joe, which i'm sure isn't helping but sometimes i like to start my day with something besides water. i guess i should have had a nice cup of tea since it's less caffeinated but whatever, i usually just drink water and since it's sunday and i'm just doing homework, i figured i could stand going to the bathroom a lot.

once i thought too much hair fell out. like you know when you brush your hair, or wash it, or as it falls out throughout the day. well, if you watch me, a lot of my hair comes out.. i mean, looking at all the hair, i would wonder, how on earth is it that i'm not going bald? i figured, if this much hair is falling out everyday, within a few years, i should be going bald. i have to note here, in case you don't know, that i usually have long hair, so it's not like guys with short hair, where if your hair was falling out and hair was growing in, you wouldn't notice because it's short and it takes less time for the new hair to reach the proper length. my hair is long, and it took years for them to grow that long, therefore, if all my long hairs fell out, the new short hairs would be left.

so anyway, to make this story die and hopefully go away forever, i counted my hairs one day. no not all the hair on my head, good lord, i'm not that big of a loser. i counted the hairs that fell out. this was after i had read somewhere that normally 50-100 hairs fall out each day. so yes, after i brushed my hair, i sat there and counted them all. throughout the day as my hairs fell off, i counted them. an advantage with having long hair is that the hairs don't usually just fall off and get lost, they stick around on my clothes, bag, etc. so at the end of the day, i had counted about 60 hairs. add to that a few shorter ones and ones that got away and probably at most 75 hairs had fallen from my head. falling into the healthy range, i didn't feel so bad and i stopped worrying about it after that.

another thought this morning as i was sitting on the toilet... i think a lot on the toilet and in the shower. it's because these are the quietest moments (mentally) of my day. if i am showering with someone then i do not think as much because i am usually talking to that person. now days though, being that we are having a bit of a shower problem which i choose not to go into at this moment, i have been showering alone, which is not really a bad thing and it's not a good thing. i like to think but i also don't like to think. if i had my way i'd go through life in a blissful ignorance. unfortunately, not to sound conceited, or maybe to indeed sound that way, i'm too smart to be blissfully ignorant, as are most people, at least that's what i believe.

so back to my potty thoughts. this is kind of a woman thing so guys that are squeamish about their girlfriend's personal activities may want to skip ahead. but you're going to read it anyway aren't you? you sick fuck. just remember, i'm not responsible for any disillusionment which may result. so i was thinking about periods (yah, now you're skipping ahead) and how they mess with your system. periods, like anything having to do with being a woman (pregnancy, menopause, laundry, cooking, etc) sends a flood of hormones into your system, proving that God is indeed a man because no woman would torture her fellow females in this way. i've never been pregnant, so i can't tell you what happens then, but i can tell you that when you're on your monthly period, there is some nasty stuff coming out of you, and i'm not just talking about the blood.

at this point there may be some girls reading this with their guys near by and they are probably saying, "i don't know what she's talking about, I never shit and even if i did, it wouldn't be gross." yah whatever, keep blaming the cat for those farts, i don't care. i do know that i'm not the only woman this happens to, since i've talked to girlfriends about this kind of stuff. also i have a mom who likes to share a little too much sometimes.

so my point here is, i don't have a point, i just wanted to talk about period-induced bowel problems. it's not easy being female, give your girl some flowers or something.

it really bothers me when some women think that just because you're also a woman, they can just start talking about personal things with you. it's not like i'm embarrassed or anything, i know my shit stinks and i know that i get PMS like every other woman, it's just that, there's some things you don't talk about with everyone. like i don't wanna hear about my boss suddenly and unexpectedly getting her period. a simple, "excuse me i have to go to the restroom" would suffice. now one of my girlfriends, or my sister, or my mom, or someone, could come up to me and ask to borrow a pad because the flood gates suddenly opened, that's fine, because there's a certain intimacy level you have with them.

i especially have this problem with doctors. i remember going to see this NP once for i think a birth control prescription. she starts asking me the normal questions like do i use anything now, am i in a committed relationship, am i monogamous, etc. those i expect, those are normal questions that they need to ask in order to know what to give you. but then she starts adding things about herself, like my husband prefers X brand condoms because he's well endowed, etc etc. that's just crossing the line. the reason being, it's kind of uncomfortable going to see a gyno in the first place, especially if it's not your regular doctor, you're getting naked in front of a total stranger who is going to probe you in personal places. the reason you can do this is because you have the idea in your head that it is strictly a professional relationship and they deal with this kind of stuff all the time. when they start sharing personal tidbits, it breaks down that wall between personal and professional. now i know something about them and that means i know them as more than a doctor/NP, now i don't want them to see me naked anymore than i want my neighbor seeing me naked.

once when i was younger, i went to see a pediatrician. girls don't start seeing a gyno until they begin menstruating, so the pediatrician takes a peek in your pants, just to makes sure everything looks ok. there's not internal exam such as with a gyno, just a quick visual. so this one time, we all (me and my two siblings) went to see the same doctor. when it was my turn i went in and she was doing the usual feeling tummy, squeeze my hand, crap like that, when all of the sudden she pulls down my panties and says something like, "just taking a look." this really freaked me out. most doctors talk you through what they're doing, letting you know why and what comes next so you're more at ease. i started to get really pissed that this woman was assuming that just because we're both women that she can just do whatever she wanted to me and it would be ok. there are a lot of doctors like that and they really piss me off. when i chose my PCP and gyno, i made sure they were nice explaining doctors. they were both men, as women doctors and NPs tend to really piss me off with their "automatic" familiarity thing.

i remember a trip to my gyno, dr yoo, before he stopped practicing medicine to dedicate more time to religion. he was doing my breast exam and he was looking at the wall. i really liked this because it's always a bit strange to have someone feeling your ta-tas so much and especially if they're staring at your face while they're doing it. he had this way of being just shy enough that i found very comforting. you know, not to the point of appearing a bumbling incompetent fool, but not so brazen like i should accept whatever he's doing because he's a professional. i was really upset when he stopped practicing and have not named a new gyno since, in fact, i go as rarely as possible, not that i was trying to go see dr yoo a lot or anything. nevermind.

my PCP, dr nakamoto, i really like him. he's a nice guy and he always makes it a point to look over my chart before coming into the exam room so he has some idea of my medical history and he always uses my name. he also has a good memory so he can bring up some information from previous visits like about my job and stuff. he's very polite and professional and friendly in a nice doctorly way. he's also very realistic and so he doesn't tell me to do things that are not really feasible. like he wouldn't tell me to do something like take a break every 15 minutes when i'm studying, which is something my PT told me. he did tell me several times to quit my job and find something less damaging to my body but i feel he was completely justified with that advice as it was indeed very damaging and if i hadn't quit, i feel i would have ended up needing shoulder surgery sometime in the not so distant future. i, like my doctor, like to draw the line at permenant damage.

i think i was actually going to write about everyone coming to visit me but i seem to have babbled on about all these other things for the past 40 minutes and i really need to go do my homework now, so it will have to wait. also i think i'm going to have to pee again soon, although i swear i just did that. see what i mean about the peeing thing?