The casino is a loud place with lots of distractions, free drinks, mazes of slots machines, scantily clad waitresses, and all designed to make it easier for you to lose your cash. Here are some tips that may help you lose a little less, or at least have a little more fun. Click on a game for more information.

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Card counting does not mean that you have to memorize every single card. That would be too tedious for most people, and even if you could concentrate and calculate at that level, it would be more difficult to perform in a casino, at the table, with a slot machine paying off behind you, cigarette smoke in your face from the player next to you, a boisterous drunk yelling at the dealer, and a cocktail waitress asking you if you want another highball. So understand that generally, card counting involves a workable estimate of the cards removed and remaining.

There are numerous versions of card counting, but most revolve around that fact that when there are more high cards left in the deck, it's advantageous for you. I won't go into it in detail, but the dealer busts more, you get better hands, etc... So counting is simply keeping a running total of high cards vs. low cards that are played from the deck.

When the dealer shuffles, you zero the counter in your head. When you see a low card, that is good- one less low card remaining means one more high card, so you add 1 to your running count. When you see a big card, you subtract 1 from your running count. When you have a high number in your head, there's more high cards in the deck, so you bet more.

This is a simplified description of what goes on when counting cards. If you're interested in further study, there are plenty of books on the subject. And if you're really into it, and you find a good card counting system and can spend lots of hours and lots of money gambling, and you can bet more money in those waves when the deck is favorable, it is possible to win consistently.

The problem with card counting is, most casinos make it difficult to win if you're playing with small amounts of money, and if you play and win with huge amounts of money, they can refuse to let you gamble in their casino.

Among the ways they make it difficult, is at some tables, the dealer deals from a shoe- a plastic case that can hold as much as 6 decks of cards at a time or more. It will take much longer to get down to few enough cards that there could be an advantage, then they'll usually shuffle anyway, not even dealing the last two remaining decks. The difficulty with counting cards is not the only problem with the shoe. When utilizing a shoe, they deal the cards face up, and you make hand gestures to communicate what you want to do with your cards, because you're not allowed to touch them. Even if you're not counting, this is very boring. For these reasons, I recommend playing at a table where the dealers deal from one or two decks held in their hands. They deal the cards face down, and you turn them over and hold them in your hands and actually get involved.

You may have trouble finding single or double deck Blackjack tables at casinos on The Strip, so try finding casinos located elsewhere. Casinos can be found a few blocks from the Strip, downtown, and in several suburbs all around the city. Practically every corner of the city has a casino.

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The thing about Craps is, there's so many ways to bet, it's beyond the scope of what I can say about it. There's too much to learn for me to teach craps here. Besides, this page is for advice, not lessons. So for advice on Craps, know this: Unlike other gambling games, all Craps tables are the same, only the minimum amount you can wager changes. It's up to you to learn the game, then find a table anywhere.

Most Craps tables are $5 minimum, but this means you'll probably have five dollar chips spread out all over the table. It's best not to walk up to a $5 Craps table with less than a hundred dollars. If you search, you can find casinos with one dollar, and even 25 cent minimums, maybe less. The place will probably be a dive, but you'll be able to play cheap Craps.

This is one game that's definitely worth learning.

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The best part of this game is, and this is where my advice comes in, that it takes a pretty long time for that little white ball to roll around the wheel. The more time it takes, the better, because the longer you can sit there..... the more free drinks you will receive. And this should be your sole purpose when playing Roulette.

There are two traditional methods of "table staying power." One is to bet the minimum amount possible on each spin of the wheel, thus trickling your money away slowly, occasionally winning back some to help extend your stay at the table. The second method, which is my personal favorite, is to put so many chips on the table every game that you cover practically everything. In fact, covering everything is perfect because you win every time. Of course the mathematical odds are always against you. You will usually win less than the total amount of chips you have wagered all over the table, so your money still trickles away eventually. But the joke's on them because your only purpose is getting blasted on the free drinks.

There are a couple of possible snags to this plan. The dealer may ask you why you're playing in such an unusual fashion. In which case you just tell the dealer to mind his own business. Another snag is that the waitresses may take too long in between trips to the table for drink orders. If this happens, yell, "Hey! Where's Sweet Pants, I'm dyin' of thirst over here!" Then start ordering them two at a time.

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Over the years, slot manufacturers have made innovations to their machines so people can feed them a larger and larger volume of money in a smaller amount of time. They added a button that will spin the reels so people don't have to waste all that time pulling the big lever on the side. They also made the machines save a player's winnings as credits, instead of spitting out coins, just to make the poor slot player put them back in again. Then they upgraded the button so that just by pressing it, the machine will wager the highest amount of credits possible AND spin the reels. All a player has to do is put in a twenty dollar bill, then sit back and let the fun begin by pressing a single button over and over until there are no more credits and the machine stops being fun.

My advice on slot machines is this: Take a big bucket of quarters and toss them down a crowded casino staircase. Then sit back and watch the fun. That's much more entertaining, and you have about the same chance of hitting it big.

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To tell you the truth, I don't know every detail about this game, but it has something to do with trying to attain a total of nine, and face cards count as nothing, which is weird if you ask me. My knowledge comes from a combination of watching rich guys play it in casinos, and watching James Bond play it in the 007 movies, where he often loses to his arch enemy, but usually gets even by blowing him up in the end with one of the villain's own weapons of mass destruction.

The strange thing I've noticed from watching it in the casinos, is how important drama seems to be during play. You bet on either the player, or the bank- "la banque," as they say in French- then the player and the bank each get dealt a card. The player looks at his card and decides if he wants another one. And that's pretty much it. I'm guessing it's because there's not much going on that the player will often be very dramatic when turning over his card. I've seen the player hold their hand on the card, as if waiting for it to turn into the correct one, then slowly lift it up, leaning way down to peek at it while they very slowly turn it over. Then they act real happy or real disappointed.

How happy or disappointed? Well, it's Baccarat the "Whales" traditionally play when they come to town. A Whale is an extremely high roller. They gamble millions in a night. I suppose I'd get dramatic too if the card I was turning over was worth $50,000.

So- about the advice. If it looks like I've just been stalling, you're right. And if you're wondering where the Baccarat advice is, I don't have any because I never play. People like to wear fancy suits when playing Baccarat, and when you add that to the drama, speaking French, and the fact that there are much fewer Bond women hanging around the table in real life, my advice is to exit the Baccarat area, and catch a cheesy lounge act somewhere instead.

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It's basically an even game between you and the house. The dealer deals everyone a card, then turns one over for the house. Anyone who's card is higher than the house, wins their bet; anyone who has a lower card loses. The house advantage comes in to play when there's a tie. You put up some extra money and go again.

My advice for War is to play only when drunk, and with no more than what you would spend on a year's worth of car washes.