What can this poor little sweet innocent girl we
all call Lauren do? Yeah right! Anyway, poor little 'ol me can't stay
at home for long periods of time. I always have to be going out. I
get all depressed at home because, well, I feel like nobody wants to
go anywhere with me. I really get depressed when I call every single
one of my friends and they're either sleeping, busy, out, grounded,
sleeping, no money, sleeping, don't want to go out, sleeping, can't
drive, sleeping, sleeping, don't know what to do, sleeping, or
sleeping. Well, I always wake up when people call me...... Unless
they call me at some ungodly hour like, 11AM or something.
So what is it that I do? Not much you can do when you
don't have your own car and you go to school full time. Especially
hard when you don't have a job and don't have any money. Really,
really hard when you are grounded and have to sneak out of the
house.
Maybe the whole idea about being a college student
just makes you want to cause a little destruction and evil. If you
know my long time friends, you know that the latest they ever stay
out is 12AM, and that they only go shopping. It sucks sometimes....
but I always find something to do anyway... I can reek havok all my
my self if I have to.
Driving:
I guess I'm a bad driver... I always thought that I was a good
driver... but I guess looking at my record... well.... uh... you be
the judge....
Broke someone's car:
People really shouldn't let me drive their cars because I kinda drove
my friend's van, and although it is not fully proven as my fault,
after I drove it something was seriously wrong with the transmission,
and it cost $900 to fix. He never told his parents that it was me,
but to this day still teases me about it.
On another occasion, he let me drive it again. I kinda forgot to take
off the emergency foot brake.... but hell... he shoulda learned not
to trust me with his van after the first time.
Faking Sex:
When at a stop light, of parked in the dark, it's always fun to make
the car bounce up and down and fake an orgasm, with your friends of
course. Whether it be to embarass them or to have fun, it's always
something to look back on.
Singing and Swearing:
I often sing in the car... but I'm a very angry driver. I get upset
very quickly.... so it's very typical to hear me singing a nice
little song... then yell "FUCKER" and then go back to singing.
Yelling at Tourists:
As you may already know Hawaii is a very heavy tourist spot. Waikiki
is where all of the hotels are, and so naturally, so are the tourist.
I swear, you'd think that there were no sidewalks where they came
from.... This lady was crossing the street and I yelled at her, "Get
off the road bitch!" that worked well... she even waved something at
me....
Fake Racing:
Not in much of a rush? Need a little fun? Also try looking for jerks
and pretending to race them at stoplights. Rev your engine a little,
creep forward, and periodically glance at the other driver with a
glare in your eye.
Speeding:
I once got my old 1986 Camry to go 120mph. You may not think it's a
lot, but my car was 13 years old! I also go about 50-80 miles per
hour in residential zone, unless kids are around... then it's a
little faster. Reguardless of what you think, in my three years of
driving I've never gotten a ticket. I ALWAYS get pulled over... just
ask Gaby... she's just jealous because I'm an asshole driver that
hasn't learned her lesson yet.
Illegal Parking:
I once parked at a meter for two hours, and I forgot to feed it, when
I came back to my car, I realized what I had done, but there was no
ticket. And we all know that it's not illegal if you don't get
caught.
Running Red Lights:
I've only done this on a few occasions, but the first time I did it
because my friend told me to, the other times it was because the
Devil told me too..... AHH!!! THE VOICES....
Driving with out a license:
I had a license, I just forgot it at home. Oh ok... so I didn't have
one yet... but hell, everyone does that, right? Besides.... everyone
knows that two permits equal a license.
Hit a Dog:
It wasn't all my fault. I was going down the street and I saw a small
dog suddenly run across the street. It was dark and I didn't see the
other dog run across. It was a big black shaggy dog, about the size
of a 3 year old child(No, it did NOT turn out to be a kid). I hit it
at about 70mph, and I was in a residential zone, I felt bad for a
day, but now I joke about it. People think I am sick. Besides there
are leash laws.... although techinically it was a hit and run.
Ditching Classes:
It's just so damn tempting.... and now that I have a car....
Smoking:
Wasn't my fault, I had impaired judgement because I was drunk.
Getting Drunk:
I drank some stuff. When I woke up in the morning, I was in bed with
one guy and one girl, but we didn't do anything, I think. We still
had our own clothes on.... backwards.
Buying and Watching Pornography:
When my friend turned 18 and we decided to excercise our rights, even
though I was still a minor at the time and it was still illegal for
me to be going into certain establishments. There was a whole wall
set aside for dildos and a plethora of videos. We bought some and
watched them. I felt kinda and weird because I was with a guy. I
mean, I didn't want people to think we were going to do stuff, I
would never do that, not with such an ugly mother fucker, anyway. ha
ha ha, I hope you read this Rat Boy. Then when I turned 18, we went
there a lot... we'd buy a whole bunch of shit... as gags of
course(I'm a good girl). My guy friends are such wimps... they made
me buy a book(for them) called "How to Enlarge Your Penis" then I had
to listen to the lady, "This is about the pumps on the wall over
there..." So I interupted her, "Lady, this isn't for me, do I look
like I have a penis?" so she shut up and we left.
Slept on a rock in the middle of a busy
highway:
I went to help with the Great Aloha Run and I had to meet some people
at 4AM in the morning only, so I stayed out all night. I passed out
somewhere in between, but woke up the sceaming sound of a mile's
length of screaming Marines at 7:30AM, and freezing cold water being
splashed on me.
Laughing uncontrollably:
It wasn't my fault, I didn't sleep for 37 hours, and a lot of people
thought I was drunk or high or something, sleep depravation causes me
to laugh uncontrollably, but we were saying some funny stuff.
Toilet Papering the School:
Another fun, destructive thing to do in your sparetime, is toilet
papering the school. If you wet the toilet paper, you can spell
things out on the grass, and it is really hard to get rid of.
Spit Wadding the Nice Cars:
Are you bitter that people are richer than you? Well, don't commit
suicide! Why not destroy their property? Spit wadding is fun, just
get some water, some toilet paper, and drive through rich
neighborhoods(with covered license plates), and you're all set. Make
sure you do this at night.
Internet Porn:
Also a good way to get porn, not that I want any, but I like to read
the stories because they are fucking funny(no pun intended). If you
want some, go here. I don't
do that anymore, though.
Sending rejectomatic letters:
lf you want to send a rejectomatic letter, click
here.