Just wanted to share something, that I got for Christmas, with all of you.... I thought this was very funny... it's a book by Jon Scieszka and Lane Smith called:

Fables have been around for thousands of years, and it is no wonder, because even thousands of years ago people were bright enough to figure out that you could gossip about anybody-as long as you changed their name to something like "Lion" or "Mouse" or "Donkey" first.

Aesop is the guy most famous for telling fables. Though he wasn't the first... or the best looking, most descriptions we have of Aesop call him "funny shaped" or "ugly" or worse, but you didn't hear that from me. I think Aesop was one heck of a swell guy.

This book, Squids Will Be Squids, is a collection of fables that Aesop might have told if he were alive today and sitting in the back of a class daydreaming and goofing around instead of paying attention and correcting his homework like he was supposed to, because his dog ate it and he didn't have time to run out and buy new paper and do it over again before the bus came to pick him up in the morning.

These are beastly fables with fresh morals about all kinds of bossy, sneaky, funny, annoying, dim-bulb people... but nobody I know personally.

Really.

One bright and sunny day, Grasshopper came home from school, dropped his backpack, and was about to run outside to meet his friends.

"Where are you going?" asked his mom.

"Out to meet some friends," said Grasshopper.

"Do you have any homework due tomorrow?" asked his mom.

"Just one small thing for History. I did the rest in class."

"Okay," said Mom Grasshopper. "Be back at six for dinner."

His mom read the assignment and freaked out.

"Rewrite twelve Greek myths as Broadway musicals. Write music for songs. Design and build all sets. Sew original costumes for each production."

"How long have you known about this assignment?" asked Mom Grasshopper, trying not to scream.

"I don't know," said Grasshopper.

Pigeon was a very good artist, but she had one very annoying habit, every time she finished a painting she would show it and say, "it's not very good" -just to get someone to say , Oh no, Pigeon. That's very good."

One day, after she had chased everyone else away with her annoying habit, she showed her painting to Saber-Toothed Tiger.

"Oh look at my painting," said Pigeon. "It's not very good."

Saber-Toothed Tiger licked his long saber teeth, "Oh no, Pigeon. That's very good, I'm sure it will be perfect toasted or fried or even baked in a pie.

Pigeon was puzzled. She had painted a sad-eyed clown. Then she noticed Saber-Toothed Tiger wasn't looking at the painting.

But it was too late and... the end of this fable is to messy to even tell.

It was the end of summer vacation, Straw had done everything he could think of. He was bored, so he went over to play with someone he has been warned to stay away from.

"Let's play checkers," said Straw.

"Okay I'm the red ones and I get to move first I get two moves and you get one," said Matches.

"Forget it," said Straw. "Let's play Ping-Pong instead."

"Okay I get the good paddle you stand on that side I get to serve first and you have to close on eye," said Matches

"Never mind," said Straw, "maybe we should just watch TV."

"Okay you sit over there on the floor and I'll sit on the couch I get the remote and we have to watch my favorite video," said Matches.

"I think I hear my mom calling," said Straw. "I'd better go"

not done

Horseshoe Crab and Blowfish were always fighting. They would use any excuse to start a fight or keep one going. One day Horseshoe Crab accidentally bumped Blowfish.

"Watch where you're going, fossil face," said Blowfish.

"You're a real helmet head," said Blowfish.

"You're a real balloon butt," said Horseshoe Crab.

"Doofus."

"Ding-dong."

"Bozo."

"Dodo."

Horseshoe Crab and Blowfish called each other every other name they could think of. Finally, one year later, neither one could think of another bad name.

"Spanking head," said Horseshoe Crab.

"Spanking head?" said Blowfish, "What's a spanking head?"

"I don't know," said Horseshoe Crab, "but so's your old lady."

"I know you are, but what am I?" said Blowfish.

One evening at dinner, Hand, Foot, and Tongue got into a heated argument over who had the toughest job.

"I have the toughest job," said Hand.

"Every day I work from sunup to sundown. I button shirts. I tie shoes. I hold the spoon and fork to feed all of us. I have to be strong enough to punch with a fist, and gentle enough to pat a baby. I definitely have the toughest job."

"No, you don't," said Foot. "I have the toughest job."

"Everyday I have to carry all of you. And I'm not complaining or anything, but I usually have to do it in the dark- stuck in a smelly sock and laced in a shoe. I have the toughest job."

"I am a fleshy muscular organ attached to the floor of the mouth. I help in both speech and taste. I start the process of digestion by moving food into the position to get ripped and mashed and crushed and smashed to little bits by the teeth. Then I cover the little food bits with saliva and shape them into slimy blobs of guck that I push down the throat and-"

"That's sick," said Hand.

"Disgusting," said Foot.