The sun beats hot on the dry and dying grass;
the weeds seek shelter between my toes.
From the cracked doorway wafts their cool, easy laughter.
Here, they've driven a stake into the dirt
pinning down one end of a six foot chain.
Attached to the other end, is a shackle
squeezing an eggshell sponge.
They've told me it is mine.
That's why I was chosen
to keep the birds from picking at it.
One day, it will replace the hollow in my head.
But, "Not yet!" They've told me,
"It's only Half-Baked!!!"
Playfully you poked my side,
You called it, "Cupid's arrow."
But, tremors claimed my body,
Pulled me to my knees.
Tenderly, you held me
Smiling without remorse.
Your eyes conveyed
A strange, sweet, calm.
Morphine, denying my pain.
"It's not what you think." You reassured me.
"Believe that, I ... I'm helping you.
This is just a game.
We ALL must play.
'Living and Winning.'"
Keeping my gaze within your own, you
Plunged your fist into the wound,
Pulled out your bloody prize.
"You see, my Love,
Now Happiness is yours.
I've done you a favor.
Ending your game so soon."
With the tip of your finger
You traced my lips,
Said good-bye
And left.
Since Happiness was all I wanted,
I prayed for my last breath.
The memories flood back to sting my eyes and clutch at my throat.
Silly me. I still think I love you.
We met through a mutual friend.
I ... had needed help,
You ... offered your, "connections."
You charmed me with my favorite songs.
Dined me at the best restaurants.
Called me with sad stories that fed on my heart.
I thought you needed me, and I greedily took
A fallacious honor.
You asked me to trust you.
Eagerly I built my life around you.
Happily, I was there for you.
And we called it ... Love.
Only ... then, you needed other people.
You needed other things.
You blind-sided me and spat on my trust.
We went our separate ways. I thought it was over.
Naive delusions.
Each of us failed in our other affairs. So,
Naturally, we cleansed our wounds together.
But that comfort, was short-lived.
You moved an ocean away.
Again, I thought, "Separate new beginnings."
Again, I am mistaken.
Now, you want me there.
You want me to believe you need me there.
So, now again, I know your need. But,
This time, we taste the pain and smell our fears.
Addicted to this game we play,
I ask you when will it end. An empty question really.
Silly me, for hoping I am your need.