September 18, 1979, was a truly wonderful day for me. Following eighteen hours of antagonizing and excruciating pain, a bouncing 7 pound 10 ounce baby girl was placed in my arms. I was the happiest person on earth on this sunny afternoon in Hilo Hospital. This incredible child changed my life drastically. I adored her and devoted most of my time and energy to her.

Before being able to walk, Mindy was a very timid child and clung closely to me when approached by unfamiliar faces. At the age of two, however, she sprang out of her shell and became friendly with everyone. A few years later at a wedding reception, I found her sitting on a stranger's lap having an active conversation. Extroverted is the word that best described her, as she loved to chit chat with other people. Being an only child for five years, Mindy followed me closely. Forget babysitters, I took he r everywhere. My full-time employment was the only thing that separated us. At the end of the work day, I would rush home to be with her. During the work days, Mindy was well cared for by my mother and father. It is important to say that Mindy was my firs t child, and also the first grandchild in my family. My parents adored her so, and my father gave her everything she wanted. Mindy was the apple of Grandpa's eye, and Grandpa always took her to the store to buy her toys and candies.

Mindy's adolescent years slowly caused me much grief. Hanging with the wrong crowd influenced Mindy and she began to neglect her school work, and soon thereafter failed to attend school. My demand for her to attend school resulted in her running away f rom home for couple of weeks. The heartfelt pain of not knowing her whereabouts left me unable to function normally at home or work. Realizing that I could not sit back and worry endlessly, I knew I had to contact the police , though it was the most diffi cult thing I had to do. The runaways continued on four other occasions. Picking up a child with an attitude problem at the police station or the detention home is not a pleasant experience, though a tremendous relief to know that she was safe.

With numerous arrests, Mindy was appointed a probation officer to follow her closely. Placement in a time-out home located in Haleiwa was the first plan of rehabilitation. She stayed there during the week to attend an alternative school at Storefront i n Wahiawa. I picked her up on Fridays after work and returned her to Haleiwa on Sunday afternoons. Mindy was very miserable there and always wanted to come home. Due to good behavior at the home and in school, she was released to my custody, and agreed to catch the city bus to continue her schooling at Storefront. History repeats itself and therefore it did not surprise me that she again became a truant. She was later expelled from Storefront school. My applying strict rules to this child who "knew it all " resulted in yet another runaway.

Mindy and I attended court on three occasions; twice in the Detention Home and once in family court. I remember thinking to myself that I did not belong here; all of the children appeared to be from broken and dysfunctional families. I felt like crawli ng into a hole. Realizing that I had to be strong, I feveriously tried to practice "Tough Love". I did not want to leave her in the detention home overnight. I will never forget that dreadful place. It was weathered, cold, dark and filled with a musty sme ll. Every door I passed was tightly secured. The children looked harsh and rough around the edges. " I had to be strong, I had to teach her," I kept telling myself, I did not want to leave my child there, she is my baby. These thoughts ran rapidly through my mind. I could not focus. I walked slowly to my car, and feeling very depressed, I started to cry.

It was a sleepless night. I could hardly wait to pick up Mindy the following day after work. In the detention home, I found a rather mousy, despondent child sitting in a corner of the room. My eyes filled with tears, "what have I done to my baby?" She ran up to me with a big hug and a big smile on her face; the same smile she flashed at me when she was just a little girl. It was a great feeling to have my baby hug me again.

I desperately started searching for other programs. Checking with her probation officer, I learned of the Hawaii National Guard Youth Challenge Program for troubled children. I completed a 20-page application, and was disappointed when Mindy was not ac cepted into the class. I then secured an appointment with the Job Corp Program. She did not qualify for this program because of our family income level.

Feeling very frustrated at this point, I did not know where to turn. My child needed help and she needs her highschool education. "Where do I turn to? Are there other options out there?" I wondered. Surprisingly, I received a phone call from the Hawaii National Guard Youth Challenge Program. Hooray! They were adding another class. Another 20-page application needed to be completed. Mindy was now a year older and her chances for admission was good. The application was filled and submitted.

Mindy decided that she could not live at home because she could not get along with me. Her desire was to live with her boyfriend at his parents' home . With much thought, I conceded to her request based on her agreement to enter the Youth Challenge Pro gram. I was thrilled with the collaboration and became quite anxious as I awaited to hear from the program.

In the next couple of weeks, Mindy looked troubled and uneasy as she approached me one day. Bad news again ...she is pregnant. I exploded and told her that she was too young to have a child and should consider having an abortion. I made an appointment with my gynecologist for Mindy. If Mindy did not consent to having an abortion, he advised me, he would not be able to perform the surgery. I was outraged and wondered if I should ask him if he was going to be responsible for the baby? Mindy decided to ke ep the baby. As a result, the Youth Challenge Program denied her application.

I spoke with her later and found that she was interested in continuing with her education. I made an appointment with her highschool counselor and he explained that I should look into Hale O'ulu, which is a school funded by the state. An appointment wa s secured to attend an orientation for parent and child. At a later date, we attended a four-hour session with the social worker, and Mindy passed with flying colors. At a third and final appointment, Mindy met with the school principal. She was accepted and faithfully attended school until the birth of her child. Six weeks went by and she was released from her physician to return to school. However, waking up in the middle of the night for baby resulted in no strength or desire to return to school. Nothi ng seemed to motivate her. This created a lot of anxiety between us.

Often, I really wanted to give up and tell her to live her own life. During all the tough times with her boyfriend she would always come crying to me, asking for permission to return home. I replied that she needed to work things out for the sake of th e baby. Apparently, my baby is still a baby, though she is growing up very quickly.

Today is another sunny day in Pearl City, many miles from rainy Hilo town. Thinking back about the difficult years I spent with my daughter, I am amazed that I survived it all. Seeing the positive changes in her today makes me smile. As an example, tho ugh her financial situation is in a bind at the moment, on two occasions, she purchased clips for my hair and freshener for my car. She is finally thinking about me. What a great feeling. Though she failed to achieve her high-school diploma or equivalent, she has plans to attain her GED. I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. She is now maturing and I can actually communicate with my daughter.

I learned that some individuals need to learn the hard way, Mindy being one of them. Life ahead will lead her over many bumpy roads; however, the sun will continue to shine for us. Fortunately, her boyfriend Phil is very supportive of her and their thr ee-month old daughter, Jacelynn. Mindy will in time, find out how difficult it will be to find a job without an education. "Tough Love" is what I will continue reinforcing with her. She was an adversary of mine, and now, she is a friend. I enjoy talking t o her, and going on outings with her little Jacelynn, and Phil.

The need for compromises is essential between child and parent. If I had given up on her, I would have lost a child forever. I continued to work with her and supported her through all the rough times. There were many nights of lengthy discussions, risi ng tempers and tears falling like water gushing from a drainpipe. A treaty was accomplished, which proved the love and respect we now have for each other. We were fortunate to overcome the tough times. I imagine that other problems will arise; however, th e sun will continue to shine as she continues to mature with the years ahead. We have made it so far and we will continue to work together to resolve new problems. At the moment, I cherish my new friend.