11/21

If there is one song that will not be played at my wedding, it's Canon in D by J. Pachelbel. Not because it's not a gorgeous song, played right and with the right instruments, but because I listen to it an average of 15 times a week (five naptimes, three loops each) and if you add this year's total to the total for the year I spent in this classroom two years ago, that's ... too ... much ... in an Ace Ventura being stuck with poison darts kind of way.

There's one wedding song I've had picked out since I was in high school (I was a lot more romantic then, for some reason, than I am now): Celine Dion's "Power of Love." I was thinking that might be nice to have that sung live (not by Ms. Dion, of course) in a more reverent, toned-down style, right before the wedding march. One other song that I think would be great at the church ceremony is "The Road That Never Ends," as performed by Keali'i Reichel.

Another good wedding-y song: Shania Twain's "From This Moment On" (a little obvious, but the chorus is tear-worthy.) Also, "Forever and For Always," although that one's a too uptempo for a nice slow dance. I love Don Henley's "Come Rain or Come Shine" even though my initial vision is of Nicolas Cage slurping bourbon off Elisabeth Shue's ... ahem. It is a nice wedding song if you don't have that sunset-colored scene in your psyche. From that soundtrack, "My One and Only Love" is also a great wedding song -- but again, only if you don't have that tragic movie in mind.

Freakin' weekend. Two possible highlights: craft fair after hell I mean class Saturday morning, and giving Eugene's Brother my math folio and possibly a tutorial to go along. Oh yeah and in about an hour I should be at home, on the phone with Cary, planning our Memorial Day jaunt. May cannot come soon enough.

Looking forward to Christmas, though. I tend to sink during the season ... the physical darkness of the winter months (and I insist, it does get gray here) kind of pulls me under until after New Year's. But this year is different, I think, because I should be spending the next two months under buzzing fluorescent lights staring into a jurassic microfiche reader. Not to mention the endless stretching days of blue carpet (so inviting in August, so depressing by mid-October) and first-thing-in-the-morning fuck-up bulletins. Oh wait, I was saying why it would be better this year. Well, I have the kids ... if we don't saturate the classroom with xmasness as we did with Halloween, it just might be a jolly holly time, actually. Also, this nonsense will be over and done with by mid-Dec and I have that to look forward to.

Mornings used to be the only killer thing about burning the midnight oil. Now I don't even light the stupid lamp. I need sleep, I take it. I don't like the taste of coffee anymore, the buzz makes me insane rather than energetic. Will I make it through this time? This time, will I make it through? I'm as close to self-doubt as I've ever been in my life. It's like I stood in line at the buffet and piled on everything, took two steps in the direction of the table and discovered the plate was bending at the edges. And if I take a step in any direction now everything will fall. So I'm sedentary. And panicky.

I miss the fifth graders, I want it to be cold outside and warm inside, I want the Nun to sip some valium, I want the echo lady to tell fewer tall tales and quit arguing with me -- just because you could be my mother doesn't mean I'd like you to be. Also, I want this crap to integrate ITSELF ... and I'd like a strawberry cupcake to go, please.

That's a pretty short list. So where the heck is Santa? :(