4/30

It's May tomorrow?

Let's see, between last entry and now ... Easter came and went and my return to carnivorous behavior was not as big a deal as it should have been. I ate a piece of chicken easter morning without thinking about it. Nothing has thrilled me or turned my stomach or really made any kind of difference one way or the other. Truth be told I miss the artificial, self-imposed restraint of Lent.

Between then and now I dug my heels into the art and children's lit, visited the Academy's lending collection which is fascinating, hidden away in the basement and not open to the public. It's awesome. Tomorrow in CL is read-aloud night, and I picked "Outside Over There" by Maurice Sendak (my backup, "Verdi," I accidentally returned to the library a week ago.)

I finally caught up on my math assignments. (One of them was to transfer a simple children's coloring book image to a piece of paper four times the original area. This is a really relaxing semester despite the "over"load.)

I got my 645 grade, a B. Right after my sigh of immense relief I started thinking about appeals and dragged out my portfolio for closer scrutiny. But it turns out C's were handed out, and I quickly remembered to be thankful. This was one of those classes that could have turned out an A, a B or a C (which equals an F.) I got an A for my other class, which I wasn't worried about because 1) i knew my grade immediately after the last day and 2) only the truly hopeless would come up with anything less.

I discovered an unused scholarship, an untapped Project prize, that will translate to a nice check I can give my parents.

Sunday (this past), Coco died. He was a few months shy of 16 years. After months of debating, we finally decided to put him to sleep because though he was pretty hale on the inside (heart-wise, etc.) he couldn't walk a few steps without falling, had major arthritis in his hips and legs, couldn't see or hear well. We decided to go to the HHS because it was a now or never (or later, again, which we couldn't keep doing) but I may regret that forever. Something happened that I've thought about a lot, a LOT, since Sunday, and I can't figure out how I can ever make it right. I miss him, but I know he's better for our decision. But the worst thing is not that he's gone, the worst thing is this one thing that happened at HHS. I haven't talked to anyone about it, not even my brother who if it's possible loved him even more than i did. I hate crying, that's one reason. I can't make it right, that's another reason. I hate myself for letting it happen, that's the biggest reason of all.