hello, i've become an american idol junkie (but i must point out that i am not the one who bought the DVD -- it was kind of like having something sprinkled in my drink when i wasn't looking.)

still in need of a ducky solution. by the way if anyone thinks i truly did overreact (as in, you are a duck specialist and this is normal duck behavior, please let me know so i can feel stupid and then leave the Ping and Shiro and Eugene's Brother to their own devices from now on.)

we discussed it, kind of. I told him what I actually didn't like, and he said he was sorry that i had gotten upset at what he said. typical -- and i already told him this -- he will never apologize for saying something, instead he will express regret that i misconstrued what he meant to say. the inability to apologize must be a Cancer thing, because i have this problem too. i'm working on it, though. i can't decide if I should apologize in cases like these, where he thinks he said something as innocuous as "look at that plate of cheese" and that I gave a baffling response ("hell no! i will NOT look at that plate of cheese! what is your problem? why are you always making me look at plates piled high with cheese?! you bastard! i'm leaving!") and the best he could do was say "well i'm sorry you were angry that i asked you to look at the plate of cheese. in the future i will refrain from pointing out what I feel to be an exceptionally beautiful pyramid of pyengana cheddar" and then i feel like a jerk, right, because now it looks like i am trying very pettily to squeeze a juicy and heartfelt apology out of a situation as juiceless as an overbaked potato. so that's what he thinks, that i took a poor defenseless plate of cheese and bashed him over the head with it and then bitched an apology out of him. however, we all know the truth.

the truth: if you keep ducks for pets, expect this kind of far-reaching lunacy. because ducks are crazy and duck ownership will make you crazy too. oh yeah, and the other truth: he needs to learn how to properly apologize and I need to remember to paraphrase everything he's saying back to him so that there's no "where did THAT come from?"

and now I am craving cheesy potatoes.

after a blanketless picnic lunch of fruit and katsu plates we browsed through the neighborhood community garden -- and made the mistake of carrying our plastic bag from lunch with us, arousing the suspicions of several ladies who happened to be out tending their okra and keeping a general eye on things. first they followed us, then they followed us closely, then they decided we looked like kabocha thieves and warned us not to touch anything. yes, gramma. i can't really blame her -- gardening is a labor-intensive labor of love and Eugene's Brother the gardenia shepherd claims that he'd notice if one blossom were plucked from one of his, like, 12 gardenia plants without his direct authorization. not that such malice even crossed our minds.

it seems like a nice place to garden even if distrustful senior citizens never sleep. manoa is a nice place, for one thing. the community garden is next to a senior living complex, so it's relatively quiet, and everyone takes their gardening seriously -- weeds are a crime and strangers on the premises are criminals.

i'm kind of lousy at growing stuff but every so often i throw some tau gok (asparagus bean) sprouts in the ground and in a month or so have a pile of beans to sautee in garlic and butter. germination is the real thrill for me -- always had a thing about sprouting corn and beans in the folds of a wet paper towel in a petri dish. the eventual bowl of steaming veggies is a nice bonus.

Eugene's Brother has more patience. he's managed corn, asparagus, lettuce, tomatoes, choy sum, gardenias -- three? varieties -- and he has this tenacious bittermelon plant growing all over the place. he's also excellent with aquatic plants (because he's obsessed with "natural" aquariums) and one of his top pet peeves is seeing mondo grass being sold as an aquatic plant. My mom grows bell peppers, jalapeno, lettuce, green onions, basil, bittermelon, and some kind of squash that's taking over the entire front lawn. Both of them will actually put aside whole weekends to weed or do general lawn care, which is why their gardening puts actual food on the table. my stuff only grows because my mom waters the plants and picks the beans. then the plant dies and maybe a few months later I try another. her pet peeves are wayward dandelions because i cannot resist blowing the seeds, and when the dog wanders into her green onion/lettuce planter. you know, the way people shriek about not blowing dandelion seeds all over the place you'd think one puff would create a lawn full of dandelions but that just never happens. I think a whole field of dandelions would be kind of fun. but this kind of thinking is why my mom refuses to give me even a corner of one of her planter boxes.

yesterday Zachary was baptized. Ryan asked Godfather Steve and me if we had been through "many of these" before. been through as in attended as part of a captive audience (i.e. the ceremony is performed during a Sunday mass), yes. been through as in remember my brother's and even my own, yes. been through as in actively participate in the claiming of the child for Jesus Christ, no. my first time for that. I didn't think twice when asked to serve as godparent, but I definitely thought a lot about it up to the moment.

I thought about the irony of Ryan, who is not even sure he believes in God, spiritually entrusting his son to the Catholic faith. and I thought about the commitment of Ryan and Jen to both Katie and Zac, which awes me everytime I read about them in their journals. I don't know the stories of the other families whose kids were baptized yesterday but knowing Ryan and Jen confirms my belief that it's not so much about doctrine, commandments, etc. (I still giggle when I remember Ryan's referring to Katie's baptism as "her little dip") as it is about simply striving to be good people. actually I guess goodness would be about the farthest thing from "simple" you could hope to attain, but I guess baby steps are good. baby steps, like what Zac will be taking soon after his recovery.