looking all girl-like really takes effort. maybe that's why i never really tried very hard before. work helped me not try -- kiddiepark uniform was more or less shorts and a t-shirt, a nice t-shirt if you wanted to impress someone, jeans if it was cold; one year i wore the same crap nikes to work pretty much every day. my idea of dressing up: brushing my hair and wearing the nice nikes.

the year of the Project thing i felt like i should dress up, kinda, when i went places. dressing up was still pretty much just brushing my hair, maybe putting on non-jeans pants and a little lip gloss to match my t-shirt (if our "cultural" garb wasn't required, which is a different story altogether.) but then there was the makeup thing -- my friends' subtle hints such as gifts from MAC and merle norman and offers to take me shopping at sephora. i like makeup the way i like clothes: sometimes i buy lipstick or eyeshadow mostly because it's a pretty color and not because i'll ever look good wearing it; sometimes i buy a dress or something because it's nice and i want to own it, not so much that it looks good on me. it would be nice if everything that caught my eye looked nice on me but sometimes i take a chance and i never "grow into" the thing and it stays in my closet forever, but that's okay because i get to look at it everytime i get dressed.

that was a little off the subject. anyway, it's not that i don't like dressing up, it's more that i'm more practical than i am dependent on looking good. hence the jeans, t-shirts and stockpile of solid-colored tank tops for work. i do something to my hair maybe once a year (usually some kind of major lopping-off, since it is a once-a-year thing.) i was like this when i was little, too -- usually in shorts, a t-shirt and slippers (most times i refused to wear shoes in school because as recess there were so many things to climb. and you need your toes for that.) but when i felt my inner fashion animal coming out, i'd concoct these "outfits" -- neon t-shirts and neon pants with a neon-dyed shell necklace. and keds with neon socks. or an equally sad pairing of taj t-shirt and elastic-waist denim skirt. i'm sure i looked awful, but i thought i was the height of fashion. (on the days i got it in my head to care.)

i like dressing up sometimes, and i like to think my taste in clothing and colors has evolved for the better since sixth grade. the Project thing was fun, because it was like putting on a costume before each public appearance. (or, as the year and banquets wore on, stuffed myself into a costume before each appearance.) but my current experiment is finding a practical, economical way to do the girlie thing on an every day basis. i don't mean wearing a dress every day or even wearing makeup every day -- hell, i could start by brushing my hair every day. i'd just like to dress more feminine without it being an event.

looking all girl-like is expensive. as hell. at cinnamon girl today (where i modeled a tea-length dress for Eugene's Brother, who gave me a somewhat puzzled smile and said, "that's so different") i tried on three dresses. my favorite one was $104 and the other two were $64. not outrageous as far as quality clothing goes, i'll admit, but these are basic pieces -- floral dresses, as much a staple as "the little black dress." and i am unemployed. i bought two of them, for a list of reasons i thought up on the spot: i just bought my mom a dress, i need one too (two?); i should stop wearing jeans to church; i can wear this to brunch; yada yada yada. (the brunch thing was Eugene's Brother's idea, which didn't make any sense because the only ocasions we go to brunch on are my mom's sister's family's parties, for which i am seriously seeking elastic "buffet pants," not dresses.)

so in 20 minutes i spent over $170. let's imagine that i strolled down to merle norman and bought, i dunno, foundation and eyeshadow. easily another $50. (again, so-called "staples" -- some days a girl needs foundation just to leave her house. probably this applies to me, and maybe i should heed the foundation call once in awhile.) then we go to nordstrom across the street and buy a pair of no-name strappy sandals: anywhere from $70-$100. it adds up and up and up.

looking all girl-like: is it worth it? i don't know, sometimes. you just have to know where to draw your personal line. there's a difference between pulling together some basic femininity and spending all your money to look like sarah jessica parker. for me i guess it goes back to finding that balance between form and function. making the effort to wear a little makeup and still getting to work on time. actually wearing a few of the dresses i own (after all, i just doubled my inventory today!).

so far, over the past few months, as part of my concerted effort to dress girl-like i've bought five peasant blouses, two skirts and three dresses. i've yet to wear any of the skirts or dresses. (granted, i just bought two of the dresses today.) it's not hard for me to pick this stuff out -- i am a girl, and am naturally attracted to it. but i'm not naturally attracted to the prices or mouse-and-cookie factor when it comes to dressing girly-girl. (mouse-and-cookie factor: give a girl a party dress, and she'll need a pair of shoes to match. once she has the shoes, she'll need to paint her toenails. once she's color-coordinated, she'll need to brush her hair. etc.) i know it can only go as far as you let it, but you can't wear a party dress with crap nikes. or even nice nikes.)

coco chanel or some other designer said something along the lines of this: "if you dress poorly, people see your clothes. if you dress well, people see you." it remains to be seen if this is actually true for me, but maybe i'll be enlightened in some way if i start taking this experiment seriously.