So what the hell is this place and why am I here? That was the stable datum I used as an operating basis in this life for 32 years. In other words, I had no clue and everything in life was just one big, sometimes painful, question mark. The earliest memories I had this time around were of life on a planet where nothing really made any sense to me. I mean, the sunlight was nice as it warmed my face and I liked to play, as any kid does, but beyond that I was almost totally at a loss in handling life on this world. A few years later I found myself in the second grade with all the other kids being a year older than me (I had taken a standardized placement test that allowed me to skip kindergarten and the first grade). Oddly, though they were all older than me, I was the biggest kid in the class. Go figure. This made things even worse, having no friends and being unable to relate to these other beings I found myself thrust amongst: a stranger in a strange land. Things did not change up through the eighth grade and I was the smartest, youngest, and biggest kid in class each year with virtually no real friends and feeling alone and lost. The other kids took special joy in tormenting me in any way they could because I was “different” and did not fit in. And so it was.
When I made it to high school, things got a little better, though not a miraculous improvement. I found I had a talent for football, basketball (somewhat), and track. I learned to use the body’s size to good benefit in these sports arenas and this was helpful, as I was now being recognized for athletic accomplishments which garnered me a certain amount of respect from these other beings I was forced to interact with. By my senior year in high school, I was all-district in football, and graduated fourth in my class academically. I was also the editor of the school newspaper and took part in other scholastic extracurricular activities as well. Though I was learning to play the game of life slightly better, I was still painfully aware, as were they, of how different I was from the others.
By the time I reached college, I still had no real vision for this life, no plan or knowingness of how to proceed. I was simply doing what momma tol’ me to do. Get a piece of paper that says “I are a college graduate.” I fell in ‘love’ with a girl at school and we got married my senior year of college. Why? Because it seemed like a good idea at the time. It didn’t seem very real to me, but I jumped in and did it anyway because that’s what a lot of the humans in this society did. I had no concept of what a marriage should be and I didn’t really want kids, but I just let the ebb and flow of Earth life carry me wherever it would. And so it did.
We had a son the next year and still was I totally clueless about how to proceed. We had been married for six years and I was becoming more and more miserable as time went on. Finally, I filed for divorce and it was finalized in 1990. My ex-wife took my son and moved back to her hometown of Albuquerque, NM, which was 550 miles away. This proved to be a great loss for me, though I thought it was the best thing for her to do at the time. Only after it was too late did I recognize in my son a kindred spirit who was to to suffer virtually the same isolation and troubles that I had gone through at his age. This is a continuing saga even now, as I try to communicate with him about matters on higher planes of thought and endeavor, but it is difficult. He is being raised by your garden variety run-of-the-mill humanoids who have no clue as to their true natures and are indoctrinating him to be just as short-sighted and unconcerned with the pursuit of true spiritual advancement as they are.
After our divorce, I went through the darkest of times I have experienced in this life. I was below body death on the emotional tone scale, but yet I still felt the inner gnawing to seek out something, I knew not what. Many times I contemplated killing the body and leaving the planet, but somehow I never sank quite low enough to actually do so. And always was there that urge to find out the truth, but what was it and where could I even begin the search?
For a while I lost myself in the science fiction books I had loved so dearly in my youth. But this was merely an entertaining diversion: fascinating, but no more than junk food for a being who needed the nutrition of Truth to sate a spiritual hunger that grew stronger with each passing day. Many times, I thought I must be going mad. I was literally driven from within to find out who I was, and what it was I was supposed to be doing. Nothing else mattered. Not my job. Not anything. The few beings I tentatively identified as friends became even more alien to me. Not one of them had the slightest understanding of the urgency of my quest. They were not looking, therefore they did not see. Typical humanoids. This absolutely drove me up a wall!! How could they not have questions emanating from the depths of their beings which cried out for answers? I spoke to them time and time again of these things, but the conversation usually dribbled off into some benignly neglectful comment about who won the game last night. They had no inkling of the realities which were mine, and which I firmly believed should be theirs as well. Maddening!! Absolutely maddening!! So I left them to their own devices and went on my journey.
Now, this is around the beginning of 1995 when things begin to get more interesting. I moved from Texas to New Mexico and put a trailer house on a 1/2 acre of land just outside Albuquerque in the wide open desert. Nearest neighbor a half a mile away, that sort of thing. All I wanted to do was be near my son so I could see him at least on weekends. And also to be left alone to continue my quest. I was reading everything I could get my hands on that had to do with metaphysics, mysticism, magic, astrology, past life processing/regression, UFO’s, spirit guides, and much, much more. Many of you are familiar with this drill. If it was out of the mainstream, then I wanted to know about it because the mainstream was anathema to me. Sometimes I would literally lose track of time, so engrossed with the pursuit of Truth was I. On more than one occasion I read 24 or 36 hours straight and wondered why I was so tired and hungry at the end. It had seemed like only a few hours! If any human had witnessed my unusual behavior, he surely would have at least thought about calling the guys in white jackets to take me away. I began staying up nights almost exclusively. All this life I had felt more affinity for the night, but I now physically put this into practice. The night is right became my motto. Also around this time I started hearing a high frequency just above my right ear. Not actually in the ear, but it seems to be located in the cranium at a point above the auditory canal. I have yet to decipher any message or reason behind this. It just is. It is now early spring of 1995 and I’m also working out like crazy to shed weight from the body. For three months I fasted for a week at the time, eating only one large meal Saturday evening of each week with my son and consuming nothing but juice and diet drinks the rest of the week. Dropped 46 pounds in three months, from 250 down to 204, the lightest the body had been since high school. Now, I certainly don’t recommend this type of diet program to anyone else, but I was driven. I do not know why, it just seemed like something I had to do that somehow fit in with the awakening I was experiencing.
I would be working around the house, both inside and outside and I would begin to think I saw someone or something out of the corner of my eye, but when I turned to look nothing was there. Yet the feeling that someone or something was there remained. I absolutely began to feel as if some being or beings were watching me closely, but never interfering or interacting with me in any way. This became a constant feeling and I got used to it, saying things to them like, “I don’t know who you guys are, but I’m only going to interact with lightbeings, etc...” You know, kind of doing a just-in-case scenario if someone really was there. It wasn’t until later that I got the bright idea of trying to communicate with them to try and determine actually who they really were and what, if anything, they wanted. Meanwhile, I was not causing the wonderful effects in my son’s life that I had postulated I would cause. While we had a great deal of affinity for each other, he had been too long under the influence of unaware and un-seeking humans and he had adopted their attitudes regarding spirituality and things of this ilk. I.e. he could not believe we were any more than one life beings; anything other than fundamentalist Christianity was just wrong; and Daddy was just weird, anyway. This last tidbit came courtesy of his mother (my ex), I am sure. Nevertheless, I respected his wishes and did not invalidate him because of the path he was choosing. After all, he was still only a child of 10 and still had a lot of growing to do and a lot of potential to realize even for a one life being! --Joke: )
In late summer of 1996 I decided I had had enough of New Mexico, and sold the trailer and land for enough money to keep me going for a while. I was picking up more and more intuition/discernment as Truth began to flow through me, and there was just something that troubled me about that place. It did not “feel” right any more. My perceptions had improved during the time I was there and I now knew that it was no longer the place for me. I packed up my things and hit the trail back to Abilene, Texas. I stayed with my mother for a couple of months until I found a house I wanted to buy. Now you must understand that my mother is the most fundamental of fundamental Christians, and she just did not understand what hellish thing had happened to her baby boy! I mean, he had just turned into some kind of demon consorting blackguard. From her viewpoint, I can see how she would think this. She knows nothing of what I have gone through and the revelations I have had. Case in point: she did not understand why I stayed up at night, and particularly why I would sit outside at night at 2, 3, and 4 a.m. in the dark looking up at the sky or just enjoying the feel of the moon as she beamed through me. To her, I must have been consorting with demons!! You see, that had to be the explanation, there could be no other. I know now what I can and cannot say to people. I have learned through painful experience that you don’t even try to talk to your average humanoid about aliens, spirit guides, reincarnation, and the like. This is a recipe for disaster, and will, at the very least, get you invalidated to the maximum degree, so why bother? They will learn for themselves in time. This society is suppressive and negative enough already without setting yourself up for a kick in the teeth by talking to them about realities which are light years above their heads. (If they only knew.) Seek out those who are seekers themselves, and in that supportive forum you can communicate to your heart’s desire about the subjects you hold dear.
If my dear ol’ momma had only known what I was really doing outside at night, she would really have blown a gasket. You see, one day somewhere around the end of September, 1996 I was perusing my favorite bookstore for metaphysical tomes when one little white book just seemed to jump off the shelf at me. It was Kryon: The End Times, channelled by Lee Carroll. Some of you who are reading this are familiar with the Kryon writings and some of you are not. It doesn’t make any difference what speaks to your heart as long as you find something that does. This work spoke to me. Other works speak to other beings. It awakened another level of awareness within me with some very pleasant side effects. Lest you think that this is some apocalyptic work of fire and brimstone, be comforted that it is not. Only from an ending can there come a new beginning. I will not go into the particulars of these writings now; you can check them out at your own leisure if you so desire. Essentially, through these avenues, I was introduced to my spirit guides. When I arrived at this level of awareness, the two guides who had been with me for 34 years in this life departed and were replaced by three new ones who are still with me now. This was a momentous and heartfelt occasion. I was sad to lose my old friends, but they are not really “gone” and I have three new friends to help me along the next leg of my journey. I suppose (in 20/20 hindsight) it really is like the E.T. said who greeted Jodie Foster’s character as her father in ‘Contact’: “Baby steps. Because that’s the way it’s always been done.” Each new level of awareness I have achieved was far and away beyond what had come before, but it was merely a baby step compared to the advancement of the next level and those yet to come. So what does all this have to do with sitting outside a country farmhouse until the wee hours of the morning and risking getting an exorcist called down upon me by my loving mother? I’ll tell you right now.
Shortly after the change in spirit guides (maybe a week) I was enjoying the night when I noticed what I thought were meteors in the beautiful, inky sky. I didn’t really put any undue attention on this that particular night. I saw several of them and just chalked it up to a shower grazing the atmosphere of this planet. But the next night these “meteors” appeared in virtually the same place in the sky, and at about the same time as the previous night. I began to notice something interesting about them. They would only appear at a specific spot I just happened to be looking at. When I would shift my gaze to another point in the sky, the “meteors” would be there as well. Well, for someone who considers himself to be “enlightened” and all that, it certainly took me long enough to figure out that these weren’t meteors, but something else altogether. On the third night this happened, it finally dawned on me that someone was trying to get my attention. About time, huh?
There was an obvious consciousness behind the “meteors” because they would almost play with me and I would get a feeling of where to look in the sky. Then they would appear exactly where I felt I should fix my gaze. But there was no other overt type of communication on the part of the “meteors.” At least until I dared try and break the ice. So I said out loud something to the effect that, “O.K., you have my attention, but I am letting everyone who is within “hearing” distance know that I wish only to interact with beings who are in the light and love frequencies.” Maybe it sounds corny now, but I wanted to make damn sure I didn’t pull in somebody who specialized in abductions and implants. I still felt somewhat “new” at all this and I was not going to take any chances. And man, that’s when the floodgates opened. The very thing that I had wanted, thought about, and waited for most of this life started to break loose into my reality. They were just waiting for me to give the intent that I wished it to happen. Funny how it never happened all those years ago (that I know of) when I used to wish so hard for it. CONTACT!!! When I realized, finally, what was going on, I jumped out of my chair, the heart pounding in my chest, the adrenaline rushing through my body and everything was a glorious, 100,000 mph explosion of awareness and reality. I was so excited I couldn’t breathe right for a couple of minutes and the body almost passed out on me. I had to sit back down in the chair and center myself, because it was still as if 1,000 watt flashbulbs were going off in my space, disorienting me. This was the sheer power of the merging of this new reality into my own. So, I managed to gather my thoughts into some semblance of quietude and projected the intent that I wanted to meet them and know all about them, and would you land your craft for me, and would you take me into your ship, and would you show me how to materialize whatever I need out of thin air, and would you run those blasted Greys off the planet. etc...etc.... Amazing how I fell back into the small-minded humanoid consciousness of what can you do for me, me, me so quickly, isn’t it? Well I was still pretty blown out of the water by all of this when I started to receive telepathic communication from them. At first it was just pictures: I saw in my mind’s eye a typical saucer which we have all seen in the photos, maybe 30 to 45 feet across, I wasn’t exactly sure of the dimensions at this point. Then I began to receive pictures of my new best friends (at least I hoped they were). The transmissions they sent me showed them as Zeta Reticulans (as we have come to call them) similar in appearance to the Greys, but with some major differences. The team leader’s name, it seemed, was Elebar. He showed me a thought picture of himself, possibly 4.5 to 5 feet tall, a very slender build, with the largest almond shaped eyes I have ever seen. When I look into those eyes, even in a thought picture, it is as if I am looking into the far reaches of the cosmos and connecting with Source on multiple levels. The biggest physical difference I could tell between Elebar’s race and the Greys is that Elebar appears to have a golden sheen to his skin, and a golden light surrounding him. I have seen no photograph, painting, or model of a Zeta Reticulan that has ever come close to conveying the true appearance of this being. Whenever I communicate with him, the first impression I always get is that golden type of aura. It seems to be his signature for want of a better word, and I can identify him by the feel of his frequency or vibration, if you will. It simply makes me feel wonderful all over when I communicate with him (and his crew, though Elebar is the main comm terminal with me). The best way I can describe it is to say that I am warmed through and through by the light emanating from this being and it is a truly wonderful experience that defies description with words. I feel as if I am part of the way back home when I get in comm with him; this is the degree of upliftment I experience.
He is leader of a crew of five and their names are Minedak, Minora, Eldar and Tinar. On succeeding nights they flew over me in their ship when the wind was quiet, and it sounded like the whispering of compressed air escaping in melodic, slight puffs as they skimmed above me not more than thirty to fifty feet above the ground. I have never physically seen the ship uncloaked, but I have seen many thought pictures of it and they have done this type of flyby for me at least seven times. I have all but begged to be physically taken aboard the ship and interact with them, but I have always been told point blank that this is not in the cards right now. They always tell me that even though I might wish for this level of physical contact, it would be more disruptive in my life than I could currently imagine. The levels of interaction I experience are limited to telepathic contact and going on their ship when I am out of the body. Somewhat less satisfying than a third dimensional actual contact would be, but still a mind-stretching event, nonetheless. Of course, still being a bit human in some irritating respects, I continue to ask, though they have made it plain that their assignment inasmuch as interaction with me is concerned, is to do just what they have done and no more. Just a light brush across the electrodes; enough to electrify my universe to conduct the increased charge of a higher reality, as it were. Baby steps, you see, baby steps. Ah, well, I always postulate the next level of advancement, so bring on the next doorway so I can walk through it, guys. I am chomping at the bit with impatience.
Have you ever noticed that it’s never just enough, or soon enough, or easy enough or, well, you get the idea. We are (at least I am) never satisfied that things are proceeding at a rate we deem adequate. Personally, I have felt these last five years that I was running out of time, that I had something big to accomplish and not much time in which to complete it. Always there was the urgency, the push to achieve something, but what? I do not know if it is because this is my last lifetime in third density, or if it is simply the imminent change we are all feeling. In any case, I always want more advancement, quicker, and am very impatient when things do not progress according to what I characterize as faster, faster, faster!
So now, I play the game of life on Planet Earth. How am I going to spend my time? Well, since Elebar has nixed giving me a free ride back home right now, I am turning my attention outward to see how I might be able to help. I finally learned that life is what we make of it, be it that of an Earth human or a Wanderer, or whomever. And the best way I can see to do this is to be of service to others. I have finally found, to a certain degree, who I am and why I did come to this world. I have had good luck helping myself with self-clearing technologies such as Dianetics and Scientology, and these technologies are beginning to be available outside the Church of Scientology. For those of you who do not know anything about these subjects, check them out. It is just the opinion of many of us who have been insiders in the Church, that some negative influences have infiltrated the orthodox Church at the highest levels and are doing things which should not be done. But the tech exists to clear yourself outside of Dianetics and Scientology on the internet -- it’s called the FreeZone. Look it up on the Web. Much research has been done in the last twenty years since the revolt began inside the Church against the suppressive forces at the top. A lot of self-clearing tech is available completely for free. There are many paths to where we want to go, That is only one of them, and it is the one I have chosen. The main thing is to get involved in some activity which is a benefit to you, others, and the planet as a whole. When you serve others you serve yourself as well, and this is the way we will make it out and pull the rest of these beings up with us. Some of them will choose not to make it out this time around, but that is their path and decision, not yours. Let’s just make a push to raise the consciousness of this planet. It’s not just going to happen by thinking happy thoughts. I know we all want to be able to have our natural abilities back and be able to paint any physical reality we desire simply by the power of our own intention. Indeed, that is the way we should be able to operate, all things being equal. But all things are not equal, and this is not a perfect planet or universe. That is why you and I have come here: to begin the work of turning this into a perfect universe. So let’s get to work and do the job. The Confederation would very likely have been part of our daily reality with a physical presence on this planet had we gotten around to doing the work just a few years earlier. Just imagine exchanging ambassadors with hundreds, possibly thousands of worlds. This can be the legacy of the mighty warriors of light who have defended this planet against all odds and completed the circle. It can also be the future for those who care to remain and propagate a true paradise beginning with this small blue world and spanning a universe. Whatever you wish, it is all there. How are you going to help?