The Illuminated Life® Workshop: Home > Pairs to Share or Create a Circle

Pair to Share or Create a Circle

As many people have discovered, it can be very helpful to share our personal concerns and stories with others and to have them share theirs with us. Human beings are storytellers, but the stories of our lives are often untold or poorly understood. In sharing, we come to understand ourselves better, affirm ourselves, get out of stuck places, and move our lives along.

As we share, we obtain the support of others, and we feel more deeply connected and less alone. If you would like to participate in this kind of sharing, pair with a friend or gather a small group of friends. A group might be no more than three or four or it could be large if it broke into subgroups for sharing. There would be no fee or leader, and members might take turns in hosting the meetings which could begin or end with a potluck meal. Meetings might take place weekly, twice monthly, or monthly, and each would be devoted to one of the "life questions."

Six life questions are presented here online. They are condensed from The Illuminated Life: Your Third Age Lifebook which is the workbook designed for older adults. Another edition, The Illuminated Life: Your Lifebook, is appropriate for adults irrespective of age. Both books include the full program of 14 life questions each with a novel exploration and sometimes briefer excercises to help participants arrive at their own answers to that question. Click here for information concerning how to order these books.

You might call your group a "TIL Circle." Those are the initials of The Illuminated Life® and they also suggest "till" which comes from an Old English word meaning "to work at." Members of TIL circles are interested in working at their lives to affirm them or make them better. (The Illuminated Life® is a registered service mark and its use is restricted.)

Procedure for Sharing

In the meetings, each participant in turn is granted a specified amount of time (depending upon the size of the group and the total amount of time available) to give her or his answer to the question and then ask for the group's response. The person shares only what he or she is comfortable in sharing or wishes to share. Until asked for their response, the others will listen without speaking--each fulfilling the role of "caring presence."

Participants take turns as "chair" of the group. The chair participates in the group just like the others do but also ensures that all participants have equal amounts of time and that those in the role of caring presence remain silent until their response is requested. To highlight the rule that caring presences remain silent until invited to speak, a 3x5 card marked "Talker Ticket--Admit One" is used. The chairperson hands this to each participant as he or she is on; this signals that only this person is permitted to speak. When this person is ready for the group's response, he or she returns the card as a signal that the others are free to respond until the person's time has expired. Chairs need to be vigilant and firm because participants in small groups tend to go on "automatic," behaving as they always do rather than observing these special rules.

The Caring Presence >>