Exploration

Exploration 3
Motivating Beliefs

What is your philosophy of life? Or, to ask this question in another way, what is your set of motivating beliefs -- beliefs that cause you to live your life in the way you do? Such philosophies are difficult to put into words. However, as we said earlier, a cultural anthropologist could deduce our philosophy of life from observing our everyday behavior.

Let's each play the anthropologist now and get some insight concerning our own philosophy by describing the motivating beliefs that we have observed in certain significant others -- persons whose lives have impacted ours. These are persons whom we have had a chance to observe over a long period of time, and we have doubtless learned a lot about them as well as from them.

1. A motivating belief evident in my mother's life and its effect on her and me

In her autobiography, Kitty Dukakis wrote that her mother had two guiding principles (which are nearly identical): (1) "Never show people what you are actually thinking." (2) "Don't reveal yourself to others." In her revealing book -- aptly titled Now You Know Dukakis obviously went beyond these two constraints.⁶
By contrast, Michael Jordan gave his mother credit for modeling what has become his most salient belief. "My mother is my root, my fountain," he said. "She planted the belief my life is based on, and that is the belief that the ability to achieve starts in your mind."

What principles or beliefs guided your own mother? Do they guide you as well? In your notebook or on any piece of paper, write your response to the italicized items that follow.

A motivating belief evident in my own mother's life:

The effect of this belief on her and me:

2. A motivating belief evident in my father's life and its effect on him and me

Sociologist Lewis Yablonsky described the message his father (who had worked most of his life on a truck delivering laundry ten hours a day, six days a week in a violent ghetto neighborhood) conveyed to him about life. It was a message that Yablonsky surmised from his father's behavior rather than his words because his father never said much. Here is part of the message: "You know, Lew, I'm a frightened man. I'm just lucky no one has killed me yet. You know how hard my life is and how I never have any fun. I'm always suffering. Life is tough. You have to keep a smile on your face and be nice to people even if you hate them. Or they'll get you . . . Play the nice-guy role in life. Mask your anger. Never express it, or you'll get in trouble."⁷
The father of a woman interviewed by Elizabeth Fishel for her book The Men in Our Lives conveyed quite a different message. The interviewee said, "This is funny. My father's motto is 'Everything happens for the best,' and damned if I don't end up believing it. I hate that slogan, yet every setback that happens, I always think, 'Oh well, everything happens for the . . .' it usually works out."

What was your own father's message or set of motivating beliefs? What was its effect on you?
A motivating belief evident in my own father's life:

The effect of this belief on him and me:

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