{9/3/04;
1/30/05}
Examples of Excellent and Poor RD1 Reviews
[Excellent review. The reviewer is encouraging as well as helpful. She points to potentially critical assignment, style, and content problems and includes suggestions for improvement.]
Xxx, your RD1 was super and very perceptive. You
have met all of the assignment criteria except I’m not sure if you included a quote from an attacker or counter attacker
(Issac’s quote being the first part of ‘Declare Your Position”) although you
did include a lot of great quotes. You definitely followed the 8-point
checklist. However, Troy your paper did seem a bit
long and when I did a word count it was about 1,500 words. I’m not
sure if 750-1,000 words are just a minimum, but your defined explanations don’t seem to be as valuable to the overall effect
of your paper as your emotional testimony where you described
stories about your family. Also, in your closing paragraph, the last sentence just seems to trail off and appears a bit
generic. Maybe consider rephrasing
it so the sentence has some strength to support your preceding insightful
arguments. [spring 2005]
[Excellent review. The reviewer is encouraging as well as helpful. She points to 8-point checklist problems and to potentially critical content problems and includes suggestions for improvement.]
Yyy, I know it may be a bit difficult for you to
concentrate on a paper right now but I did enjoy your writing. I did like how
you started your paper showing the large contrast between American women and
Iraqi women regarding the elections. However, you may want to review the
8-point checklist again. I am assuming your thesis was at the end of the first
paragraph and according to the checklist I think you should label it [thesis sentence] beginning and ending with [Thesis].
. . . [Thesis] Also our section numbers
are either 33492 or 34178. Mr. Shimabukuro sent us an email at the beginning of
the semester regarding enrollment in Eng 215W and on the subject line it states
your section number. I thought your personal story with reference to your
boyfriend, Mr. Ikaika Schilling, was an argument
against your position. While it is good to suggest opposing
statements maybe if you placed his comments
towards the beginning you could end with a stronger declaration to your
arguable position. [spring
2005]
[Excellent quick review. The reviewer points to critical assignment and 8-point problems.]
John, I enjoyed reading your RD1, but I think your thesis isn't arguable. You should be taking a
position that others might disagree with. Also, be
sure to review the 8-point checklist. I noticed several instances in which you
used the words "get" and "you."
[Excellent quick review. The reviewer points to critical assignment and 8-point problems.]
Mary, your RD1 is interesting, but you fail to meet the 750-word minimum. I think you have about
500 words. If you include one or two attacks from classmates and respond to
them, you could easily add 250 words. Remember
to avoid rhetorical questions. Turn them into statements. For example,
"Shouldn't women have the same rights as men?" could be rewritten as
"Women should have the same rights as men."
[Excellent quick review. The reviewer points to critical assignment and 8-point problems.]
Bill, you've satisfied most of the assignment
criteria, but I think you're supposed to list the
student you quoted as a reference in a works cited section at the end of the
paper. See the Quick Tips
on Applying MLA Guidelines. Also, don't use the student's first name only
when you introduce a quote: "Miki said." Instead, use his last name
or his first and last: "Tanaka said" or "Miki Tanaka said."
You're also supposed to label your thesis in the
introductory paragraph: <thesis>Women suffer a lot of trauma because
they have to play so many roles.<thesis>
[Poor review. Fails to mention assignment or checklist criteria. Vague suggestions.]
Harriet, great paper. I really agree with your
ideas. I had similar experiences growing up. Be sure to check for grammar
errors. I thought I saw one or two.
[Poor review. Fails to mention assignment or checklist criteria. Focuses on minor details and ignores potentially fatal problems.]
Sam, rewrite the 3rd sentence in the second
paragraph. It's too long. You misspelled "computr" in the intro
paragraph. Remove the commas in the last sentence in the last paragraph.