sexy ... i've got the giggles. i've got nicolas cage's drunken exclamation looping in my head: "sexy, SEXY!" ... but if you haven't seen "leaving las vegas" at least five times, you probably won't know what i'm talking about. of course, nobody else i know (besides sarah daisy l.) thinks nicolas cage is sexy in the least. but wait, that wasn't my point ...

whatever. top 5 sexiest people i know? that'll take some thought. as opposed to, say, top 5 sexiest people i don't know. that's easier, so let's start with ...

high-profile sexy:

cusack as martin blank (duh)
cage as castor troy in face/off
johnny depp as gilbert grape
russell wong
antonio banderas as el mariachi

sexy voice:

david bowie, "labyrinth"
john b., "pretty girl"
meat loaf, "vh1 storytellers"
dusty springfield
kai, "it might be you"

small screen sexy: (limited in scope, as is my telly viewing)

chris noth
john stamos as uncle jesse (oh, shut up)
sarah jessica parker
ming tsai
and ... um ... kim catrall. (i told you it was limited.)

sexiness i can't explain:

uncle kracker
paul rudd as a gay schoolteacher opposite jennifer aniston
my 40-ish two-time spanish prof
barnaby gaitlin ("patchwork planet")
matthew broderick as ferris

and ...

sexiness i can explain (and these would be the people i actually know, double-bagged for max protection with an extra layer of psuedonyms):

#5: the extra value meal

i'm still squeamish, so let's start with a combo platter of winning physical attributes taken from here, there, everywhere, now, then, never again ... lessee. we'll take a milky forehead with some of that hapa hair falling across and into soft brown eyes that smirk along with smooth, unchapped lips. then again, do real men carry chapstick? then there's this voice that makes me fall to itty, bitty stupid pieces when he sings anything, even a jodeci duet with my ugly ex, at karaoke. there's this confident posture and walk that makes a collared shirt tucked into denim shorts look damn hot; makes the jack-in-the-box antenna ball on his walkie-talkie look purposeful. there are eyelashes i'm a sucker for, a strong hand on a stick shift, a fine layer of sweat on a shaved head that is perfectly shaped, affirmation of some girl's high-school hallway proclamation: "_____, you have a righteous ass!" ... and. a battle scar, more hapa hair. a half-cocky smile, a sweet, angelic smile, a high forehead, strong sunburned shoulders.

yes. yes. and now for someone a little more concrete ...

#4: bubba's rugged dad

there was the tattoo that took up a good part of his lower right leg. and the scar from his brow piercing. and his shaved head, and his kapa'a roots and his strong hands. but first, a smile, and disarming, beautiful eyes. and this offhand laugh that i can't describe. most people would never have guessed we'd choose each other, but it's those differences that i found so sexy. there was a sort of perfectionism (fine arts major), this precision to him, this eye for good design (and impatience with, well, crap.) he was four years older than me. at the same time, he liked disney movies, cooking at home together, and going to the zoo. he disliked cats (as a concept, almost), but liked mine. he was independent (big sexy points), and most of all, he had a past that i loved hearing about and piecing together, because it had nothing to do with me -- and i've always thought that learning about the circumstances that have made a person the way they are when you find them can be so, oddly, sexy. anyway, he was f*cking hot. since that time in my life i've pitied those who never gave a person a chance because he or she "wasn't my type."

#3: steve

my girl steve is sexy because she can (and often does) eat everything in sight and still walk around in red leather, black mesh and a straight face. she has these humongous, beautiful tattoos on her back and arms (dragon centerpiece), and i don't think she has anything left to pierce. i think she's 5'6" (but who knows? her shoes usually put her head way above mine) and her natural hair color is this awesome rusty brown. (she dyes it black, though.) she just got her vet tech degree out in washington and she lives by herself in this ghetto neighborhood, just her and her geriatric cat and her dachsund and her sexy del sol. she's single and brave -- and she wrestles, too. she's the bomb.

#2: babu

the kind of sexy that makes him look quite fantastic even beside a much taller woman. not that he does very often, to my knowledge. do you know what i mean, though? a person who's not necessarily tall ... but stands with an authority they obviously take for granted. has a thing for ralph lauren, down to his athletic socks. wears armani gio. even his sweat smells good. babu has the requisite fascinating past, complete with shocking stories of the "i can't belive YOU did that" ilk. he's a talented onetime cartoon-animator, knows his freshwater plants, is very good with children, and has great taste in clothes, food, flowers, and expensive gadgets. sexy is a person who's good with his hands. sexy is knowing almost everything about him ... but not quite. sexy is a person with connections for everything, from cockatiels to mod chips. sexy is adorable as a large-breed puppy in its smallest stages. sharp is sexy. picky is sexy. boxers are sexy. sexy is babu.

#1: me, dammit!

um, i have sexy elbows. (i can't have another top 4 list, now can i?)